The week in review

Wow, I have so many thoughts flowing right now. First though I must tell you about my work outs. Well I actually ended up working out Friday and Saturday. I went late Friday night and first thing Saturday morning. I don't remember my workout Friday, but I did legs on Saturday. My latest thing has been lunges. LOTS of lunges. They are a great glute work out. Monday I was starting to get sick, so I went to bed early. Tuesday Alexa wanted to toilet train, that is for another post...Wednesday evening though with my head cold and all I went to Body Pump. Now for those of you not yet acquainted with the AWESOME class, I say to you RUN!!! to the gym to join! It is a full body work out with weights. If you have ever done a FIRM work out, it is along those lines. You use weights the whole time focus on the main muscles groups (back, chest, biceps, triceps, legs, and shoulders). I only did cardio on Thursday, bike for 20 minutes, elliptical for 20 min and walking on the treadmill (incline 5) for 20 min. Friday and Saturday I did body pump again. That is not always my routine. But for the next couple of weeks I will be doing the body pump classes. And then I will switch it to probably aerobic classes and then doing my own weight lifting.

As far as food. :) I don't really remember what I ate. Really. I usually track calories on sparkpeople daily but for someone reason I only did for a couple of days. I am working on incorporating my fruits and veggies into my diet. Did you know I didn't eat many veggies when I was growing up? Healthy eating wasn't promoted in my family. (my mom didn't feed us awful food...it was just southern cooking) Actually food wasn't talked about. We weren't allowed to just go in and grab something when we were hungry. Food was another control thing for my mom. It ultimately caused me lots of problems. I realized at some point on this journey that so much of why I struggled with food was because of my mother. Two reasons mainly. She didn't nurture me and she sent me conflicting messages about food. I do not believe my mother and I ever formed an attachment after I was born. I don't believe she held me very much. I know growing up she didn't hug me. I would hug her but I always remember feeling like she wasn't the biggest fan of hugging me. She didn't offer any words of encouragement. If she told me she loved me I don't remember it, probably because I didn't believe her. I believe I found comfort in food. I ate when I was hungry both physically and emotionally. Eventually my body didn't know the difference. In our home food was under this weird protection. We couldn't eat it unless she said we could. I remember sneaking food because I was so hungry, and my mom would tell me I wasn't, and then at dinner she would tell me to eat even though I would tell her I wasn't hungry. I couldn't tell her I had eaten things with out her knowing. I remember as a teenager she would take food from me and either eat it herself or give it to my brothers. Really if you want to know the truth. I don't think my mom ever liked me. Yes I just said that. I believe she loved me because she gave birth to me, but she never liked me. I don't know if I will ever know why. When my father came for Christmas this year he and I talked about it. I asked him about some of my memories and he confirmed them. He said he struggled as well with how my mom treated me. He said actually a lot of their fights were over why she was so mean to me. I am okay with it though. Really. The Lord has been right by my side I have been learning more about this part of my childhood. I have been recording my thoughts and feelings in my journal. And there for a time I would write in my journal while I ate. It was an intense month or two. One night I woke up and this flood of memories came to my mind of things, regarding food, that my mother did or did not do. When I would eat I would ask myself why was I eating, what would happen if I had to stop, or didn't finish my food, why was I eating so secretly? I read four books as well, about attachment disorder and food addiction.

Two years ago the Lord told me that I would soon lose my weight. I am grateful for these two years. I am grateful for what I have learned about disordered eating, about true healthy eating, how to exercise properly...and really I could go on and on about what I have learned. I am not where I know I will soon be in regards to weight loss and strength. But I feel like I know more than most people about healthy living, things that you can't learn from a book or a class. I know what it feels like on the other side of the coin. It may seem weird to some that I am becoming a trainer...actually I know it does because I see the look on their faces when I tell them :) but here's the thing...why can't I learn about this stuff during my own weight-loss healthy journey trip :).....whose says I have to look like I just stepped out of a fitness competition to be a trainer? I want to train real people. We all can't compete but everyone deserves a chance to feel better about themselves. And here is one my first questions for my future clients....why do you want to lose weight? will losing weight make you happy? why? what if the weight never came off...how would you live your life? Those are the kinds of questions I have to ask myself. Happiness is NOT at 120lbs. Happiness is a state of being and until you find happiness in who you are right now at your very worst, then size 6 jeans won't help you either. It may seem strange to some that you could be happy and be over weight, but are you completely happy being thin? Or do you imagine being thinner? It is a trick used on us all by the adversary...the old "the grass is greener" mentality. Healthy living comes first from the heart and the mind. You can lose weight guaranteed with out having a healthy mind...but guaranteed you will put it all back on and you will yo-yo until you find that peace. I stand as that example. So to those of you who struggle with your body image whether thin or overweight I encourage you to kneel and counsel with the Lord and work to find that peace that only He can give so that you can look in the mirror and see what He sees and so that you can enjoy life the way He meant for us too.

Check out my baby!!

Click the link to see more ADORABLE pics of my little Arwyn!

http://rememberyours.blogspot.com/search/label/Baby%20Portraits

Let's do this!

I haven't worked out very much this week. I feel it too. Everyday has been really busy. Well today not so much. But today was one of those "rest" days...the kind where I don't do ANYTHING. I played with my kids, watched about 15 minutes of mindless television and read fitness stuff on-line. As I go through my own get fit journey I often think to myself what would I say to someone I was training. My life this week is real. Weeks like this happen in every one's life. So I would encourage someone with a week like mine...to be calorie conscientious...and to RELAX...the worst thing you can do really is to stress during an already stressful time. Will I most definitely hit the gym hard next week. You betcha! Does it really makes sense to try to fit hard work outs in when you are already exhausted? Absolutely not! There is a tricky mindset out there for those of us who want to lose weight. It is often called the all or nothing mindset. That mindset gets people like me in lots of trouble. But that is one of the many things I am working on. Rolling with the punches. Taking life one day at a time. And realizing that if one week I don't get in my best work outs...that it's okay because there is always next week. Tomorrow and Saturday are booked full. So I am right now letting go and looking forward to Monday and the 5:30PM kickboxing class. Next week is going to be a great week for me and the gym. This week was a great week for my van and the 500 miles I put on it...literally!!

And you know I just had a thought...Recording your workouts and caloric intake is importante!! So for the next little while I will be reporting to you. :) One of the things they teach in your certification process is that you have to be the example of what you are teaching other people. I have always loved health and fitness, now I want to be that example. So starting Monday or maybe tomorrow depending on what time allows for...I will bare my soul, my workouts and what I eat! This could get interesting :) Bring it!!!!

Decor

What if my Christmas stuff is still up? What if? Cuz it is!!! and I love it!!!! We took the tree down...but everything else is still up. I am not sure when I will take it down....There is just something about all of it that makes me feel GOOD inside!

my work outs

I am so sad...I just posted about my work outs and then I hit a button and poof and it was gone....soooooooooooo...I guesss I will try again tomorrow...Sufficeth to say things are going good :) I am feeling stronger...I have gone up in weight again on all my workouts...I am tracking my calories on sparkpeople.com. Things are good...things are good!!

It is my life's ambition to tell everyone that they have a Savior. I long to bear my testimony everyday. It burns so strong that I echo Alma, "O that I were an angel and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! Yea I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth." (Alma 29:1-2) Do you KNOW this? Does it burn so with in you that you feel as the Nephites? (Mosiah 5:2) Having no more disposition to do evil but to do good continually? If I were to leave this earth today my dieing wish would be that each of us would pray to KNOW with nothing doubting that our Savior lives, that He loves of us. I long for everyone, quite literally, to have that personal relationship with him. Where does your loyalty really lie? Who is it that you seek to serve each day..each moment?

I know my Savior lives. I know that he loves me. I know that he is always ready and willing to help me along my life's path. I know that he knows how I feel through each of life's UPS and DOWNS. I know that by reading my scriptures I can not only get answers to my prayers but I can SEE my life through his eyes. I know that my prayers are heard. I know that by keeping my heart, my "tent" (Mosiah 2:6) towards heaven life's troubles and joys can be seen through the Lord's eyes. I know that the Savior truly is the head of our church, that He truly leads through revelation. I know that families are forever. I know that life AND death are a part of the plan of salvation, and though some may have gone on to that heaven we came from and though we might not be able to "see" them, that we can feel them. That we can feel of their presence and love. Heaven is only a veil away :) And has we strive to live closer to our Savior the thinner that veil can become and we can have an eternal perspective that will allow for more peace in our lives. I share this you with you in the name of our Savior Jesus Christ.

Temple

I went to the temple today (not this one...but this is my favorite!). I love that place. It feels like home. Heaven home. I went every week while Ray was gone, literally until I had Arwyn. There is nothing that compares for respite for the soul than going to the temple. I always get answers, comfort, counsel and peace when I go. I love that the Lord has given us a little piece of heaven here on earth to help us along our path.

Christmas Family Pictures

Certified Personal Trainer

I have struggled with my weight for YEARS!!! Weigh Watchers...1200 Calorie diets...Metabomax diet...etc...After I had Alexa I didn't want to count or obess anymore. In January of 2008 the Lord told me in a blessing I would soon lose my weight. My prayers were that I would not just lose the weight but that I would keep it off. What would the point be if I just had to keep starting over. The Lord has taken me down an incredible path of learning and growth. I did lose weight last year before I got pregnant. The Lord blessed me during my pregnancy, helping me to be able to work out every day and to watch what I ate so that I only gained 20lbs for the whole pregnancy. I joined a gym last year while Ray was away, so that I could have at least that hour to work out in peace :) After I had Arwyn I began praying about whether or not I should pay for a personal trainer at some point. I felt good about it and planned on it around Christmas time. As that time approached it still felt good but something was different. I kept feeling like wait...wait...On the night of our ward Christmas party I couldn't go. I didn't have anything that I felt like I looked nice in. So I stayed home. I cried for almost an hour straight. I prayed that whole hour and I read my scriptures. I wanted to see my life through His eyes. What was I missing? I had been trying to work out and eat right but I wasn't really losing the weight fast enough for me. What was I missing? Then it hit me...I needed to become a personal trainer. So I went on line and researched it, prayed some more and had Ray give me a blessing. The Lord said this was the path he would have me pursue. So here I am taking courses to become certified in training and fitness nutrition. It is in this certification process that I am learning what more I could do to facilitate a healthier body for me. I am learning how the body metabolizes food, how to work out more effectively and how to eat better. And with this I can turn around and help other women. I was hoping to be done by this summer. We will see. Even if it takes me a year to ceritify and lose the rest of my weight, I am learning true life long lessons that will help me keep my weight off, stay healthy and help others on their own journeys.

Christmas/New Years Letter

http://www.facebook.com/#/notes/andrae-davis-griffin/our-christmasnew-years-letter/270841356211

maybe this will work :)

LOTS of pictures

Still here

Hi! It's me. I am still here. These past few months have been incredible, hard, wonderful, spiritual, WEIRD...so much. At some point I am hoping to be able to fully disclose all that has been transpiring. Do you still read my blog? I am wanting to be better at it this year. Christmas was wonderful. My Dad came. It is so interesting the road in the which the Lord has taken me down. 10 years ago I would have told you I would never see my father again, nor did I want to. But the Lord taught me forgiveness and understanding. I love my Dad. I appreciate the work my Dad has done to better himself and his life. For a long time I wanted my Dad to tell me he was sorry for what he did, and then I learned that that was between him and the Lord. I forgave him and let go of it, and the Lord healed me from the affects. My Dad told me he was sorry this Christmas. And he was. He didn't mean to hurt me or my family. I know that. He like so many others were victims of traditions, trapped in an environment that only encouraged the darkness and abuse. It didn't help that he is bi-polar and they had him on a high dose of Zoloft...125mg's I believe. If you know anything about meds you know that that combined with a bi-polar makes for a very explosive and not fun life. He has changed though. He went to therapy. He has a read books. He has faced hard truthes about who he was and he over came it. While he was here we had fun. He often expressed how much fun he was having. How different it was in my family than what I grew up in or even how he grew up. You see the dysfunction has gone back for generations on both sides. He said he could see how much I loved my kids, and how much Ray and I loved each other. No one fought. No one pouted or slammed doors. No dysfunction. It was great.

It all has ended in my line. No more abuse. No more of the lies, and manipulation and just truly pyscho stuff. My children, grandchildren, great grand children, etc are freed. I still have so much to overcome. Little things really in comparison to how far I have come.

I can not close this post though with out letting you know who was the instrument in my "success". The Lord led me. He gave me great friends who love me even though I am so very ...overly passionate and intense. Three angelic doctors...these doctors allowed me to discuss my personal beliefs about healings and the Lord...though some believed differently their objective approach allowed me the opportunity to fully disclose all my emotions. I wish I could list all the miracles in my life that have brought me to where I am that ultimately brought me to my healings. The Lord loves us. He is on our side. He is our biggest fan. It is not just a fun thing to say. It is real. Please if it has been awhile since you have really prayed, go right now and just let it out. Please allow him the opportunity to be your best friend. You won't find a better one :)


please click here for my story if you don't already know it
http://andraegriffin.blogspot.com/2008/11/my-healing-story.html