I went to body pump last night. Whoa! Love that work out!! I am enjoying the journey of losing my weight and getting fit. It gets hard sometimes though I must be honest. I am changing a mindset that I have had for years. I have to make an honest effort to not eat emotionally. Foods like mac and cheese are a HUGE weakness for me. So I make trades. If I eat mac and cheese...that is all I eat for the meal...one cup is over 400 kcals! And sometimes veggies are not what I want to eat...so there is a lot of pep talk and even more prayer...I am hopeful that one day this will all come naturally. I dream of the day really. But then again this could be my thorn in the flesh...something I have to always stay on top of...I have to remind myself why I do what I do...why am I doing this? because at the end of the day I feel better inside...when I work out and eat healthy my body just works better...there is also a certain amount of excitement inside...maybe even pride that I am overcoming something that has plagued me my whole life. I enjoy the opportunity to learn more self control and witness the hand of the Lord in my life as I turn to him for strength.
Tonight is cardio. Fat burning cardio...meaning I keep my heart rate pretty low to stay in my "fat burning" zone for at least an hour. I like these work outs. They are pretty easy in comparison to weight training. I think on Thursday I am going to do yoga. LOVE yoga!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
The week in review
Wow, I have so many thoughts flowing right now. First though I must tell you about my work outs. Well I actually ended up working out Friday and Saturday. I went late Friday night and first thing Saturday morning. I don't remember my workout Friday, but I did legs on Saturday. My latest thing has been lunges. LOTS of lunges. They are a great glute work out. Monday I was starting to get sick, so I went to bed early. Tuesday Alexa wanted to toilet train, that is for another post...Wednesday evening though with my head cold and all I went to Body Pump. Now for those of you not yet acquainted with the AWESOME class, I say to you RUN!!! to the gym to join! It is a full body work out with weights. If you have ever done a FIRM work out, it is along those lines. You use weights the whole time focus on the main muscles groups (back, chest, biceps, triceps, legs, and shoulders). I only did cardio on Thursday, bike for 20 minutes, elliptical for 20 min and walking on the treadmill (incline 5) for 20 min. Friday and Saturday I did body pump again. That is not always my routine. But for the next couple of weeks I will be doing the body pump classes. And then I will switch it to probably aerobic classes and then doing my own weight lifting.
As far as food. :) I don't really remember what I ate. Really. I usually track calories on sparkpeople daily but for someone reason I only did for a couple of days. I am working on incorporating my fruits and veggies into my diet. Did you know I didn't eat many veggies when I was growing up? Healthy eating wasn't promoted in my family. (my mom didn't feed us awful food...it was just southern cooking) Actually food wasn't talked about. We weren't allowed to just go in and grab something when we were hungry. Food was another control thing for my mom. It ultimately caused me lots of problems. I realized at some point on this journey that so much of why I struggled with food was because of my mother. Two reasons mainly. She didn't nurture me and she sent me conflicting messages about food. I do not believe my mother and I ever formed an attachment after I was born. I don't believe she held me very much. I know growing up she didn't hug me. I would hug her but I always remember feeling like she wasn't the biggest fan of hugging me. She didn't offer any words of encouragement. If she told me she loved me I don't remember it, probably because I didn't believe her. I believe I found comfort in food. I ate when I was hungry both physically and emotionally. Eventually my body didn't know the difference. In our home food was under this weird protection. We couldn't eat it unless she said we could. I remember sneaking food because I was so hungry, and my mom would tell me I wasn't, and then at dinner she would tell me to eat even though I would tell her I wasn't hungry. I couldn't tell her I had eaten things with out her knowing. I remember as a teenager she would take food from me and either eat it herself or give it to my brothers. Really if you want to know the truth. I don't think my mom ever liked me. Yes I just said that. I believe she loved me because she gave birth to me, but she never liked me. I don't know if I will ever know why. When my father came for Christmas this year he and I talked about it. I asked him about some of my memories and he confirmed them. He said he struggled as well with how my mom treated me. He said actually a lot of their fights were over why she was so mean to me. I am okay with it though. Really. The Lord has been right by my side I have been learning more about this part of my childhood. I have been recording my thoughts and feelings in my journal. And there for a time I would write in my journal while I ate. It was an intense month or two. One night I woke up and this flood of memories came to my mind of things, regarding food, that my mother did or did not do. When I would eat I would ask myself why was I eating, what would happen if I had to stop, or didn't finish my food, why was I eating so secretly? I read four books as well, about attachment disorder and food addiction.
Two years ago the Lord told me that I would soon lose my weight. I am grateful for these two years. I am grateful for what I have learned about disordered eating, about true healthy eating, how to exercise properly...and really I could go on and on about what I have learned. I am not where I know I will soon be in regards to weight loss and strength. But I feel like I know more than most people about healthy living, things that you can't learn from a book or a class. I know what it feels like on the other side of the coin. It may seem weird to some that I am becoming a trainer...actually I know it does because I see the look on their faces when I tell them :) but here's the thing...why can't I learn about this stuff during my own weight-loss healthy journey trip :).....whose says I have to look like I just stepped out of a fitness competition to be a trainer? I want to train real people. We all can't compete but everyone deserves a chance to feel better about themselves. And here is one my first questions for my future clients....why do you want to lose weight? will losing weight make you happy? why? what if the weight never came off...how would you live your life? Those are the kinds of questions I have to ask myself. Happiness is NOT at 120lbs. Happiness is a state of being and until you find happiness in who you are right now at your very worst, then size 6 jeans won't help you either. It may seem strange to some that you could be happy and be over weight, but are you completely happy being thin? Or do you imagine being thinner? It is a trick used on us all by the adversary...the old "the grass is greener" mentality. Healthy living comes first from the heart and the mind. You can lose weight guaranteed with out having a healthy mind...but guaranteed you will put it all back on and you will yo-yo until you find that peace. I stand as that example. So to those of you who struggle with your body image whether thin or overweight I encourage you to kneel and counsel with the Lord and work to find that peace that only He can give so that you can look in the mirror and see what He sees and so that you can enjoy life the way He meant for us too.
As far as food. :) I don't really remember what I ate. Really. I usually track calories on sparkpeople daily but for someone reason I only did for a couple of days. I am working on incorporating my fruits and veggies into my diet. Did you know I didn't eat many veggies when I was growing up? Healthy eating wasn't promoted in my family. (my mom didn't feed us awful food...it was just southern cooking) Actually food wasn't talked about. We weren't allowed to just go in and grab something when we were hungry. Food was another control thing for my mom. It ultimately caused me lots of problems. I realized at some point on this journey that so much of why I struggled with food was because of my mother. Two reasons mainly. She didn't nurture me and she sent me conflicting messages about food. I do not believe my mother and I ever formed an attachment after I was born. I don't believe she held me very much. I know growing up she didn't hug me. I would hug her but I always remember feeling like she wasn't the biggest fan of hugging me. She didn't offer any words of encouragement. If she told me she loved me I don't remember it, probably because I didn't believe her. I believe I found comfort in food. I ate when I was hungry both physically and emotionally. Eventually my body didn't know the difference. In our home food was under this weird protection. We couldn't eat it unless she said we could. I remember sneaking food because I was so hungry, and my mom would tell me I wasn't, and then at dinner she would tell me to eat even though I would tell her I wasn't hungry. I couldn't tell her I had eaten things with out her knowing. I remember as a teenager she would take food from me and either eat it herself or give it to my brothers. Really if you want to know the truth. I don't think my mom ever liked me. Yes I just said that. I believe she loved me because she gave birth to me, but she never liked me. I don't know if I will ever know why. When my father came for Christmas this year he and I talked about it. I asked him about some of my memories and he confirmed them. He said he struggled as well with how my mom treated me. He said actually a lot of their fights were over why she was so mean to me. I am okay with it though. Really. The Lord has been right by my side I have been learning more about this part of my childhood. I have been recording my thoughts and feelings in my journal. And there for a time I would write in my journal while I ate. It was an intense month or two. One night I woke up and this flood of memories came to my mind of things, regarding food, that my mother did or did not do. When I would eat I would ask myself why was I eating, what would happen if I had to stop, or didn't finish my food, why was I eating so secretly? I read four books as well, about attachment disorder and food addiction.
Two years ago the Lord told me that I would soon lose my weight. I am grateful for these two years. I am grateful for what I have learned about disordered eating, about true healthy eating, how to exercise properly...and really I could go on and on about what I have learned. I am not where I know I will soon be in regards to weight loss and strength. But I feel like I know more than most people about healthy living, things that you can't learn from a book or a class. I know what it feels like on the other side of the coin. It may seem weird to some that I am becoming a trainer...actually I know it does because I see the look on their faces when I tell them :) but here's the thing...why can't I learn about this stuff during my own weight-loss healthy journey trip :).....whose says I have to look like I just stepped out of a fitness competition to be a trainer? I want to train real people. We all can't compete but everyone deserves a chance to feel better about themselves. And here is one my first questions for my future clients....why do you want to lose weight? will losing weight make you happy? why? what if the weight never came off...how would you live your life? Those are the kinds of questions I have to ask myself. Happiness is NOT at 120lbs. Happiness is a state of being and until you find happiness in who you are right now at your very worst, then size 6 jeans won't help you either. It may seem strange to some that you could be happy and be over weight, but are you completely happy being thin? Or do you imagine being thinner? It is a trick used on us all by the adversary...the old "the grass is greener" mentality. Healthy living comes first from the heart and the mind. You can lose weight guaranteed with out having a healthy mind...but guaranteed you will put it all back on and you will yo-yo until you find that peace. I stand as that example. So to those of you who struggle with your body image whether thin or overweight I encourage you to kneel and counsel with the Lord and work to find that peace that only He can give so that you can look in the mirror and see what He sees and so that you can enjoy life the way He meant for us too.
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