Merry Christmas Y'all!!!!!!!!!!!!
a picture just isn't a good picture if you don't have a camping trailer in the back :)
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Thoughts on love
How do you love? How do you love others?
When I was growing up my Mom told people how awful I was as a teenager. I am not sure the exact things she told them but I know she said them, I would be approached with "your mom was saying...", and sometimes I was lucky enough to hear her say it in front of me. The adults that knew me especially in church saw me through her eyes and never stopped to ask or find out what was really going on. I wasn't an angel by any means but I was no heathen or true "rebellious" child. In fact I didn't really do anything that every other teenager didn't do in our little town, so actually I was probably 'normal'. But something about how my mother portrayed me to so many affected how they saw me and how they ultimately "loved" me. Or at least I felt that way because of the way they treated me and how they talked to me. Fast forward to my time in Utah. I became inactive shortly after moving to Salt Lake in 1997. I had been active in Texas. I do remember having the feeling I wasn't missed at church. I found security in other things, worldly things. I got off track, but I never stopped praying, no matter how far off track I got. But no one came looking for me. Not until I moved to Orem in 1998. I lived alone in an apartment on Main Street and 8th North. Not too long after moving there this lady came knockin' at my door. She introduced herself as Chris Marshall, the relief society president. My first thought..."I am not your charity project" " I will not be a number you can check of your list". I wasn't real nice to her. Save the single lady going down the devil's path, I thought. I almost became determined to not go back because for me it was not about you, I was going to come back when I was ready. She came every month, sometimes twice in one month. Just to say hi. Sometimes she would bring bread, or some kind of treat. I moved from that aparment in September 1999. I think I went to church once maybe twice when living there. When I moved a relationship I had been for two years ended. The moving and the break up opened up an opportunity to get back to church. I went back because I wanted to. I wanted to change. No one noticed I was new, but it didn't matter to me because I wasn't there for them. I met Ray at some point during this transition and the rest is history.
My point in telling you this is today I was thinking about the stories I have been hearing while I have been here, and the things I have seen with my own eyes. If you had met me on my road of life so far off course how would you have loved me? Would you visit me every month faithfully whether I was nice to you or not, and whether or not I did ever show up at church? Would I be your charity project? Would you know if I stopped coming to church? Would you let me go b/c there were more obvious feel good moments of service to be a part of? What if I smoked? drank? lived with someone and was not married? what if I had a tattoo? what if I was every thing you never wanted to be in manner of speach, dress, and actions? would you avoid me for fear that some how your association with me would taint your precious reputation? You...those who are reading this now...didn't know me then...you don't know if I might have been some, none, or all of these things I have proposed in these in questions...yet you love me. But would you have loved me the same way then? Would you have sought me out? Those of you who helped me in Boston during that year after baby Ray was born when I was in and out of hospitals. Would you have been that kind of friend if I wasn't going to church, or didn't meet your standards of worthiness?
I am who I am because of my Savior Jesus Christ. But he loved me through people. Through people like Chris Marshall and others. Those people loved me when I was probably the most unlovable, most irresponsible. They the loved the part of me that could be.
We live in a time a convenience. Life is relatively easy if you think of it. We have our nice pretty comfort zones. Comfort zones aren't all bad. But there is one I challenge you to come out of. There is some one out there that needs your unconditional Christ like love, and it probably is the person you would least expect that you would have anything ever to do with. Ask the Lord with real sincerity, with a real willingness to be led to that person who just needs your Christ like love. They may already be at church, they might belong to a different church and maybe not to one at all. Don't make it about baptism, or conversion, or even a project. Make it about love. Love them with all your heart the way the Lord would if he was standing in your place. I don't believe our actions have to be grand or even noticeable to the naked eye, they just have to be sincere. That is when a life is changed. When you listen because you want to care. When you hug because you want them to feel the warmth of a good hug. When you give because you really have no thought of reward. I know so many of you do this already, but I am asking you to do more. We have to. Once you feel like you are doing good, then you gotta reach a little higher. There are so many out there that need to feel the love of our Savior. He reaches them through us.
When I was growing up my Mom told people how awful I was as a teenager. I am not sure the exact things she told them but I know she said them, I would be approached with "your mom was saying...", and sometimes I was lucky enough to hear her say it in front of me. The adults that knew me especially in church saw me through her eyes and never stopped to ask or find out what was really going on. I wasn't an angel by any means but I was no heathen or true "rebellious" child. In fact I didn't really do anything that every other teenager didn't do in our little town, so actually I was probably 'normal'. But something about how my mother portrayed me to so many affected how they saw me and how they ultimately "loved" me. Or at least I felt that way because of the way they treated me and how they talked to me. Fast forward to my time in Utah. I became inactive shortly after moving to Salt Lake in 1997. I had been active in Texas. I do remember having the feeling I wasn't missed at church. I found security in other things, worldly things. I got off track, but I never stopped praying, no matter how far off track I got. But no one came looking for me. Not until I moved to Orem in 1998. I lived alone in an apartment on Main Street and 8th North. Not too long after moving there this lady came knockin' at my door. She introduced herself as Chris Marshall, the relief society president. My first thought..."I am not your charity project" " I will not be a number you can check of your list". I wasn't real nice to her. Save the single lady going down the devil's path, I thought. I almost became determined to not go back because for me it was not about you, I was going to come back when I was ready. She came every month, sometimes twice in one month. Just to say hi. Sometimes she would bring bread, or some kind of treat. I moved from that aparment in September 1999. I think I went to church once maybe twice when living there. When I moved a relationship I had been for two years ended. The moving and the break up opened up an opportunity to get back to church. I went back because I wanted to. I wanted to change. No one noticed I was new, but it didn't matter to me because I wasn't there for them. I met Ray at some point during this transition and the rest is history.
My point in telling you this is today I was thinking about the stories I have been hearing while I have been here, and the things I have seen with my own eyes. If you had met me on my road of life so far off course how would you have loved me? Would you visit me every month faithfully whether I was nice to you or not, and whether or not I did ever show up at church? Would I be your charity project? Would you know if I stopped coming to church? Would you let me go b/c there were more obvious feel good moments of service to be a part of? What if I smoked? drank? lived with someone and was not married? what if I had a tattoo? what if I was every thing you never wanted to be in manner of speach, dress, and actions? would you avoid me for fear that some how your association with me would taint your precious reputation? You...those who are reading this now...didn't know me then...you don't know if I might have been some, none, or all of these things I have proposed in these in questions...yet you love me. But would you have loved me the same way then? Would you have sought me out? Those of you who helped me in Boston during that year after baby Ray was born when I was in and out of hospitals. Would you have been that kind of friend if I wasn't going to church, or didn't meet your standards of worthiness?
I am who I am because of my Savior Jesus Christ. But he loved me through people. Through people like Chris Marshall and others. Those people loved me when I was probably the most unlovable, most irresponsible. They the loved the part of me that could be.
We live in a time a convenience. Life is relatively easy if you think of it. We have our nice pretty comfort zones. Comfort zones aren't all bad. But there is one I challenge you to come out of. There is some one out there that needs your unconditional Christ like love, and it probably is the person you would least expect that you would have anything ever to do with. Ask the Lord with real sincerity, with a real willingness to be led to that person who just needs your Christ like love. They may already be at church, they might belong to a different church and maybe not to one at all. Don't make it about baptism, or conversion, or even a project. Make it about love. Love them with all your heart the way the Lord would if he was standing in your place. I don't believe our actions have to be grand or even noticeable to the naked eye, they just have to be sincere. That is when a life is changed. When you listen because you want to care. When you hug because you want them to feel the warmth of a good hug. When you give because you really have no thought of reward. I know so many of you do this already, but I am asking you to do more. We have to. Once you feel like you are doing good, then you gotta reach a little higher. There are so many out there that need to feel the love of our Savior. He reaches them through us.
Some pics for ya!
http://mscottphoto.smugmug.com/gallery/6900403_Z7FET#441475235_L8Ky3
http://mscottphoto.smugmug.com/gallery/6900482_WQFQu#441478272_oWYPF
click the above links to see pictures of us ...
the first link shows pictures of the kids Sunday morning...and us walking at a park that I grew up walking with my family at...
the second is pictures of Aspen shooting for the first time...
the password is - Longview2008
Enjoy!!!
http://mscottphoto.smugmug.com/gallery/6900482_WQFQu#441478272_oWYPF
click the above links to see pictures of us ...
the first link shows pictures of the kids Sunday morning...and us walking at a park that I grew up walking with my family at...
the second is pictures of Aspen shooting for the first time...
the password is - Longview2008
Enjoy!!!
Monday, December 22, 2008
On the road
After 24 hours in a car and one night in a hotel, and with about 10 stops for the bathroom we finally arrived in Texas Friday evening at 8PM. The road trip was good. We left Utah going south right as a snow storm was coming north, so it took us 2 plus hours to even get to Spanish Fork Canyon. And then the canyon was pretty bad until past Moab. We got some pictures for ya when we get back. Saturday was another miraculous day for me. I literally was not sick...ok on a scale of 1 to 10 I was at about a 4 or a 5 all day and most of Sunday. But yesterday evening it caught back up to me. And I have been back to "normal" since. We went horseback riding on Saturday. Yep I got on. It felt so good to ride. All the kids rode and Raym. Today Ray took Aspen for her time shooting. I was supposed to go...SURPRISE...I felt too sick. I still feel pretty sick sitting here typing but sometimes you just gotta get up and do something :) He says they have lots of pictures which I am excited to see and they took video of almost all of it. He said she loved it...that's my girl! The food has been delish. Pancakes, eggs and bacon every morning. Roast, stew, brisket in the evenings....you gotta love southern food :) I believe the kids are hooked on Texas and loving it :)
Monday, December 15, 2008
Miraculous Monday
I knew you were all standing by your computers waiting to hear from me again :) Ok..ok so actually I wanted to tell you about my life recently. (dramatic pause) I am sick. The kind of sick that you only wish on no one. It gets worse everyday. This time last week was tough, but today was bad. But the Lord stepped in for me today. I have 'known' since last Friday that I was going to try to get a Dr's appt today to try to get some Zofran...oh how I love Zofran...I truly prayed all weekend that somehow it would work out that I would be able to get some. That I would get into a doctor that I would not have to beg, borrow or steal from to get it. A friend of mine who has five children told me about her doctor and how much she loved him. Our personalities are similar so I chose to go with him. I called this morning to make my appointment and told them it would be self pay because we currently do not have insurance and are STILL!!!!! in the process of getting medicaid (don't get me started on that one). So the nice lady told me the cost of the visit would be $250. I told her I couldn't pay that and pay for my Zofran ($20 a pill). She told me to stop by the accounting office before my appointment and talk to them about it. I called Sadie (the girl who recommended the doc) to see if she could watch my two youngest children. Thank you that she didn't watch one or two but all four, in addition to the three, plus two extra she had at home. Angel I tell ya. Ray meets me at the office (love that guy) we stop by accounting and share our story with the nicest woman truly I have ever met. She tells us to not worry about payment right now, that they will hold off until the end of January, which hopefully by then we will have all the medicaid stuff worked out (four months later...argh...ahahahah!). We visit with Dr. Farley (great name huh?). I am a high risk pregnancy...surprise! (a uterine rupture will do that you know) I tell him I want Zofran. He says OK. What? Seriously? Ok? Uh Ok then? He reminds me it will be expensive but he gives me a 30 day supply with 5 refills and he says if I run out let him know. AND if there is another I might need to try let him know. Now just so you know this guy isn't handing out drugs, but he was completely understanding to my particular situation with nausea and vomiting. AND he didn't question me. He knew that I knew my body. That after four babies he was pretty sure I wasn't making this up. Thank you. I wish I was making it up then I could make it go away :) We have the ultrasound and see our 1/4 inch size baby and his healthy heart-beat. The ultrasound and heart-beat thing always make me cry. Pregnancy is just such a miracle. And it always blows my mind that there really is a baby inside there. Oh...amazing :) We leave. Ray goes back to working and I stop at the pharmacy to spend money we don't have. I ask the lady who is helping me how much ten pills would be, that I can't fill the whole prescription b/c I don't have insurance and I can't afford it. She tells me she will calculate it for me. I wait.....hum..hum..dee-hum...she peeks around her computer and says well you could do all 30 for $30. Uh? What?!? Yeah if you wanted you could get the whole prescription for $30, she pauses as she is reading something, then turns and says 'yeah Zofran has a generic'....after they sweep my jaw off the floor and resuscitate me I give her the ok to fill it. Are you kidding me? 2 years ago there was no generic. I guess today there is. So I pay for meds. Promptly take one and go and retrieve my children. Miracles. I got a doc appointment with the doc I want to see on the day I want too, which happens to be a Monday. We don't have to pay. I get the meds I am desperately seeking for 1/5 the price I was imagining. AND there was someone to watch my whole brood so I could get this all done. The Lord took care of me today, as he does everyday.
Oh and one more thing....I can take Dramamine....if you get car sick on road trips you will appreciate this. We are going to be going a road trip of sorts...and I will soooooo need that Dramamine.
It has just been a great day!!!
Oh and one more thing....I can take Dramamine....if you get car sick on road trips you will appreciate this. We are going to be going a road trip of sorts...and I will soooooo need that Dramamine.
It has just been a great day!!!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Temple Square and more
We went to the Church History Museum and to see the lights at Temple Square last night. It was freezing but wonderful. The kids loved the museum. They saw John Taylor's watch that stopped the bullet and were literally speech less. Aspen said "so it really happened..." It was fun for me to see them realizing the reality of all the stories they have heard about the restoration of the church and the pioneers. The museum has an "I am a Child of God" exhibit which the kids said they loved the most. The lights were beautiful of course. Could one ever grow tired of seeing them? The kids have been talking this morning of the 'wonderful night' we had and how beautiful everything was. I love living in Utah :)
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Could it be?
So you are aware of my 'success' if you will at losing weight. I have about 15-20 lbs more to go...and that isn't me being too ideal...really I need to lose that weight to be any where near the healthy range. Any whoo. I have been wanting another baby for quite some time now...honestly probably since last February. I could feel his spirit..yes his. On the day Ray lost his job I found out my sister in law was pregnant. Another friend got pregnant around then as well. And then another one and so on. Earlier this month I had resolved to wait. I was doing great on weight loss and I conceded that why not just lose the rest of it, then get pregnant. Hopefully after losing all the weight I would be even more self disciplined and be able to gain only a little weight with a pregnancy. So last Thursday after all the Thanksgiving eating and all I got sick...well diarrhea. I felt so bad for Rach who was here in my home with her 3 kids. I told her I was sorry if her kids got sick. Since that day I have diarrhea and vomitting everyday including today. Monday night I knew something was up. My period was due last week and hadn't showed up. Of course the one month I am looking for it instead of praying for it not to. So I told Ray my feelings. He shared with my all the reasons why it couldn't be possible. Which were actually all the reasons it would be possible. I cried that night in prayer. I told the Lord that if I was pregnant then I had to pass that test and if not then I needed to start my period. You see my track record with pg test is not the greatest. Usually I am about 6-7 weeks along before I test positive. But I did not have the emotional energy to wait that long this time. That night especially I felt drained of any desire to endure any drama. So at 6:30AM Tuesday morning Ray went to Wal-Mart to buy me a test...isn't he great :) he bought a three pack b/c of my track record :) I take the test, truly expecting a negative to show up.........................but it didn't.....and not only was it positve...I don't know that I have ever seen one of my pregnancy test be THAT positive. It is funny though....I never imagined I would be where I am today. Could it be? Could I really be pregnant? I truly had moved on in my mind...I wasn't expecting this until sometime next spring. And yet here we are. Bring it on though. I love having babies. I love being a mom. I know this is my last pregnancy, the Lord has told me that much. But I also know that this is not the end to us bringing kids into our home. But I will enjoy this pregnancy to its fullest. And absorb as much as I can from each moment, including the ones that envolve the white throne :)
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Birthday to ME!!!!
So today I turned 32. I slept in until 6AM :) when Alexa woke up, and then I slept in again (Ray took Alexa) until 8AM when my sister-in-laws surprised me by rushing to my bed side singing happy birthday. We had breakfast at Einstein Bagels, and then me, Ray, Aspen and Alora, Rach and her family, Steph and her family all went to the Bishop's Storehouse to serve for a few hours. We came home had cake and ice-cream, I opened presents and visited for a bit...and now here I am. Last night I KNEW what I was going to do for my birthday...I have seen on some blogs where when it is someone's birthday that depending on the age of that person they share however many things they like about them...well I am going to share with you 32 things I love about myself...Ray asked if it might not be egotistical but I assured him I do not think I am better than anyone but I am allowed to think that I am awesome :)
1. I love that I live with purpose.
2. I love my testimony.
3. I love that I think that I am funny. I crack myself up when I am all alone in my kitchen or where ever.
4. I love that I push myself.
5. I love that I love to sleep in :)
6. I love that I love to cook.
7. I love that I love photography.
8. I love that I love my family so much it makes me cry sometimes.
9. I love that I am courageous.
10. I love that I think that I am the best driver out there.
11. I love that I talk A LOT.
12. I love that my bedside table is always covered in books.
13. I love that I keep a journal.
14. I love that I love people, except the ones that annoy me :) hehe..no really I love them too eventually :)
15. I love that sometimes I think I am actually cool :)
16. I love that I laugh loud.
17. I love that I think....A LOT.
18. I love that I homeschool my kids.
19. I love that I pretend to be a professional dancer when I dance all alone in my living room.
20. I love that I sing and dance at some point everyday with my children.
21. I love that I sing in my car like I am a rockstar whether I am alone or with my children.
22. I love that I dance while singing in my car.
23. I love that I sing and pump my fist to the beat or the words of songs when listening to my ipod while running...(Forever by Chris Brown, No Air by Jordin Sparks, No One Alicia Keys, Eye of the Tiger, The Final Countdown!!!!!)
24. I love that Christmas music or even deep thoughts about Christmas and what it means can make me emotional.
25. I love that music can make me emotional.
26. I love that I am dramatic.
27. I love that I have moments where I am lazy.
28. I love that once I make a friend you are my friend for life.
29. I love that once we are introduced I consider you my friend :)
30. I love that I am determined.
31. I love that I have faith.
32. I love that I love myself.
picture disclaimer :) that is an OLD photo...but actually a photo I keep of myself in my TOJS book to encourage me :) I have lost a little over 20lbs...so ???lbs here I come :)
Monday, November 24, 2008
So excited
This is my favorite time of the year!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously! My birthday, Thanksgiving, putting up the Christmas tree and all the decorations, the parties, Christmas, Alora's birthday, New Year's, Aspen's birthday, Ray's birthday. Lots of stuff happening! I love the feelings, the music, the smells, the memories, and the opportunities! I feel like a kid during this time of year. I want to hug everyone, and sing and dance all the day long :) And this week starts it all off! I hope all of y'all have a wonderful Holiday season. I hope you find much to be thankful this week and that you have many opportunities to bare testimony of our Lord and Savior this Christmas season.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Dairy Farm
Steph and I took the kids to a local dairy farm on Friday. I imagine that we learned more than kids because we were asking so many questions. It is a technical thing, dairy farming that is. The kids thought it smelled bad :) but they loved the cows. One cow was especially fond of Belle as pictured below. And the kids got to pet the calves that were only a two weeks old. I love farms. I love the stinky smell. I love what they represent. The hard work. The discipline. I felt peaceful there. Weird probably. But really there is something wonderful about farms!
This is where the cows are milked.
Petting one of the recently born calves...
I think this cow liked Belle or wanted in the picture :)
Thursday, November 13, 2008
What if
At some point in these past few weeks while Ray and I were discussing this possible job opportunity I mentioned to him the idea that what if we get the job, pray about it and then the Lord says no don't go? We talked about it a little but never visited the subject again. Last night while I was sitting in the temple one of the many things I was talking to my Heavenly Father about was the job situation. I love being in the temple when praying because I am not falling asleep, no one is calling my name, and I feel so close to the spirit. I was telling Heavenly Father that I am ready for a steady job, and that I felt unsettled in side. I sat for a moment not really thinking and I had the impression where do you want to live? uh what? me? really? I can have an opinion on the matter. Well then I don't know. Where do I want to live? I almost felt uncomfortable with the idea that I might be able to decide. On my way home from the temple I called a friend who lives out of state so that I might be able to visit with her uninterrupted for at least 20 minutes :) She lives in Arizona and was sharing her excitement about their proposition on marriage passing. We shared our feelings about the adversary declaring war truly and that things would get worse, but what a beautiful thing b/c it means we are also preparing for the return of our Savior. As of this morning I still had not decided. I received in email from my sister-in-law with a story from a woman in LA who was present at the temple during the protest. The woman mentioned people climbing on the temple gates. I am a fact based person and wanted to find out for my self if people were really on the gates so I will to latimes.com and searched for photos of that nights protest. Sure enough there in some 34 photos were only a few but enough for me. To see those angry, hostile, and thoughtless individuals hanging and sitting on the gates broke my heart. I tried not to cry but it hurt to bad really. How could they do that to the Lord’s temple I thought? Are they so desperate in justifying their actions to desecrate such holy grounds? I was not so much worried in that moment about whether or not they could have gotten in as I was worried about their desperateness, their anger and hostility. There truly is a spiritual war raging. I thought of my children. I thought of what it would mean for us living on the east coast. I thought to myself if truly I have an option, then I want to stay here. I want to raise my kids here in Utah where our numbers are definitely greater than any where else. I grew up in Texas. There were four Mormons at my church. I have lived on the east coast for a total of 8 years. I like the “mission field” as some would call it. There are lots of missionary opportunities. I homeschool so I don’t really have to worry about influences at school. But right now I like the idea of being here. I feel like my beliefs are everywhere I turn. I love that LDS chapels dot the landscape of the valley. I love that when I was working out at the gym that I could hear women talk about their callings and what they had been praying about. I love that the other day I heard an older man say to another older gentleman who he did not know, “you look like a stake president, are you a stake president, boy you sure look like it?” The other responded with a smile, “Well I am his first counselor.” How cute is that? I know some of y’all who read my blog are out on the east coast. There is so much out there. The museums are truly amazing. There is New York. Oh I love New York. The aquarium’s rock. The knowledge, there is just so much to learn from, I mean it is a very historic area. And beautiful, there is nothing quite like a New England fall. Is it bad if I want to stay? Is it putting my head in the sand if I want to raise my kids here? OH yeah! Family! Tons of family is here, and there is so much to do with family. If the Lord posed the question to you, ‘Where do you want to live?’ what would you say? Ray and I will continue to pray about it, but as of this moment we want to stay.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Being Private
I already feel better in going private. I am not sure why though, but I will take it. I am sad that I lost all my links to all the blogs I like to read...I guess I will just have to stay up late some night trying to find them all again...if I was really smart I would have saved the addresses somewhere..but that is if I was really smart...
We went to the final BYU home game on Saturday and celebrated my nieces 8th birthday while we were down. My sister-in-law was the bravest soul of all that day for she watched 9 children 6 and under so that Ray, Aspen and I as well as Steph, Sunny and Craig could all go to the game. She scored many blessings that day I am sure of it.
I feel very peaceful today. Could be the result of a blessing I got yesterday :) My house is a wreck from being gone all day three days in row. The kids are arguing over toothpaste and Alexa is wrestling a dump truck UP the stairs and squealing all the while not winning and yet I feel so calm. We are still waiting to hear from Lutron. Oh wait...I have not yet revealed that little token of a treat have I? Well about two weeks ago we interviewed with Lutron and it went really well, and the last we heard from them is that we needed to wait for them to contact us about "the next step". Here is the really exciting part...it would take us back to PA. How do we feel about that you may ask? Peaceful...we know the Lord will take care of us and if that means us moving back across the country then so be it. Life is grand with all its twists and turns. It definitely keeps you on your toes.
So here at the Griffin home we are private and peaceful :)
We went to the final BYU home game on Saturday and celebrated my nieces 8th birthday while we were down. My sister-in-law was the bravest soul of all that day for she watched 9 children 6 and under so that Ray, Aspen and I as well as Steph, Sunny and Craig could all go to the game. She scored many blessings that day I am sure of it.
I feel very peaceful today. Could be the result of a blessing I got yesterday :) My house is a wreck from being gone all day three days in row. The kids are arguing over toothpaste and Alexa is wrestling a dump truck UP the stairs and squealing all the while not winning and yet I feel so calm. We are still waiting to hear from Lutron. Oh wait...I have not yet revealed that little token of a treat have I? Well about two weeks ago we interviewed with Lutron and it went really well, and the last we heard from them is that we needed to wait for them to contact us about "the next step". Here is the really exciting part...it would take us back to PA. How do we feel about that you may ask? Peaceful...we know the Lord will take care of us and if that means us moving back across the country then so be it. Life is grand with all its twists and turns. It definitely keeps you on your toes.
So here at the Griffin home we are private and peaceful :)
Monday, November 3, 2008
My healing story
I have been making contact with old friends from Texas (since I am getting ready to go visit)and giving them my blog address. Many of you that have already been reading "know" about my healing. My healing is important to me because of what it freed me from. For so long I wander in a dark abyss as a result of the abuse inflicted upon me both as a toddler and as a teenager. Others witnessed me making choices that are so contrary to what I have always believed but never felt worthy of living. So I share my story in a way of saying 'here is the real me'...'here is the me that was hidden behind all that sadness, confusion and loneliness'. I am who I am because my Savior healed me.
To you -
This record was originally recorded in October 2003, I have made appropriate changes to keep the story up to date. My hope is that my story will bring people closer to the Savior, and that others will seek for themselves their own healing.
As a very young child until about the age 9 I was the victim of sexual abuse from my uncle and then as an adolescent from my father, as well as verbal and physical abuse from my parents. I struggled through my years in school trying to understand my identity, my purpose and my role in my own life. When I graduated from high school, I moved to Utah only to continue my life in a very scarred and damaged state of mind. I knew there was a God, and I knew the scriptures were true (I believe our Heavenly Father blessed me with these gifts). I attempted to believe Him and what the scriptures said of His power. I was alone physically, but I also felt alone emotionally. I knew I needed help but I didn’t know where or how to begin. I imagine that many who were witness to my life at that point felt I was a lost cause, or one of those sad stories, but I know the Lord saw it different. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know a side of a healthy emotional life that thankfully many do know. I did pray. I lived the best way I knew how. When I met Ray I was more firm in my conviction to change. I broke off a long-time unhealthy relationship, and began to read my scriptures more regulary, returned to church and tried to figure out who I was. Though I was growing I was still weak. I know I was supposed to marry Ray. I knew this while we were dating, but due to dysfunctional habits I attempted to sabotage the relationship. I am thankful to a Heavenly Father who despite my attempt blessed us with the chance to marry. It was then that the Lord’s hand became even more visible to me in my life.
I have always believed I could be healed. I had been to counselor after counselor; I had been on almost every medication available for anxiety and depression (literally). I had been diagnosed with every disorder associated with abuse and then some. As I look back and consider all that as happened I remember a blessing I got just before I met Ray. I was reminded of the presence of the Lord in my life, His knowledge of my struggles and that He would heal me in due time. In my life there was a cycle where I would go to a psychologist and a few months later or sooner feel it appropriate to stop my sessions and turn to the Lord solely for my healing. This would last for a time, and then again something would occur in my life requiring medicine and professional counseling. This cycle reoccurred often in my life. I am thankful for the professionals who helped me; their knowledge passed to me was what the Lord was able to use as tools to help me grow. After Alora’s birth (my second child) life was the hardest. There were times I honestly didn’t think I would survive because the physical pain was as great as the emotional. Oh when I look back I see the Lord’s hand. I clung to a talk that Elder Richard G Scott (a member of the Quorom of Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) gave a few conferences back. (October Conference 2002) He said to those of us that have been abused that we could be healed completely, that we would not have to seek counseling for the rest of our days, that there was an end to it all through our Savior.
September 2003 Mom Griffin and I attended a women’s conference in Tennessee. With a heart full of gratitude for all my blessings and for such a great opportunity we returned home. That Tuesday Mom and I were discussing my future in consideration of my meds and therapy. She discussed with me her fear of me suddenly stopping my meds as I had frequently done before. I told her naively that I would not discontinue my meds this time around “until the Lord Himself told me I could”. That evening I sat to read my scriptures, before beginning however I read a letter Pat Vassilaros (a friend) wrote me. Note: this letter was written in May of 2003 from Germany, mailed but did not surface in PA until that August , it was forgotten about, then mailed to me in Ohio. I do not believe this letter was a coincidence. As I read the words she wrote by inspiration my heart was full. She shared a story about a tree there that people referred to as the ‘Jesus-oak’. She continues with – “I believe these people were healed not because of a special tree but because of their faith in Jesus Christ. I believe, so you will be healed-not because of your medicine or counseling necessarily-although they help-but because you have such great faith in the Savior. The more you focus on Him & His healing power the more you will heal all parts of your life. The Lord loves you so much- He has a mission for you here that only you can do. I know you will be healed. . . You are even now in the Lord’s hands and He will heal you in His perfect way and perfect time.” When I came to Ohio I was determined to heal. I have borne the burden placed on me by others long enough. In my heart the only way to do this was to submerge myself in His words. I read the scriptures, I read whatever else my hands found that contained words from Him through His leaders. I pled with Heavenly Father to lead me and to heal me, to help me know what I needed to do so that He could. As I prayed I never felt good about returning promptly to counseling. On one occasion after praying about love and my desire to understand it better, I was counseled by the spirit to read ‘Jesus the Christ’ (written by Elder James E Talmage) and that upon completion I would have the desired understanding and then some. Not only was that promised fulfilled even as I read, but by reading this book I have gained an understanding and an undeniable testimony that Jesus is the Christ and the He lives! On another occasion I was sitting outside in Dad Griffin’s hammock with my girls, it was a beautiful clear day, I heard the words “I brought you here to heal you my way” as if Heavenly Father were right beside me. My thoughts following were of realization of why Ray was still in PA working, why things were going the way they were and why I had not felt prompted to get counseling immediately. (please see addendum A) Pat did not realize the truth of her words; “even now you are in the Lord’s hands”. I was, even on that night. I bowed my head to pray after finishing her much-inspired letter. As I opened my heart to the Lord and shared with Him my aches, the spirit filled me as never before. I only have layman words to describe the experience. There was fullness in my heart, and a peace filled my body that words cannot describe, and my body felt lifted though I was kneeling on the floor. I heard the Savior’s voice say to me, ‘you are healed, you may continue in life, have babies and nurse them without struggle or medicine, you are free from it all, cease from taking your medication and go on.’ I sat in that most beautiful feeling and wept in thanksgiving and unworthiness. I questioned why the Lord would bless me in such a way. I did discontinue my meds as directed, and the following night received an answer to my question of my worthiness in our Heavenly Father’s eyes. I was sitting on the couch attempting to read “Jesus the Christ”. I was praying about my feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, and while still considering the miracle of the night before. (I had just gone a day with out any meds and it was as if I had never been on them) Who was I, why and how could I possibly be of any importance to Him? I believed in Them, but me, I was just Andraé. Again the spirit filled me. My heart was full and I was overcome by the Spirit, my mind was silenced for a moment and then I heard in my mind a voice say “you are My daughter”. I knew the voice was that of my Heavenly Father. I wish I could tell you what these words meant to me. I had been abused all of my life; my very identity was stolen from me. To hear that I am His daughter placed within my heart something that has completed me. I was not just this person existing, I was known and in that moment I realized I truly am a daughter of God. I have not been on my meds since that Tuesday, and there have been no withdrawals, no nightmares, no panic attacks, no depression; my mind and my heart were healed and cleansed from the awful affects of abuse. There was no fanfare, no magic just words. I am healed. I testify to you of our Savior’s healing power. Even today it is manifest. Miracles are performed quietly, yet it gives me an opportunity to sound “as a trumpet” of His majesty and power. I believe in the small everyday things like daily prayer, faith, scripture study etc., with out these we have no foundation. I know our Heavenly Father literally hears our prayers, He knows us by name, and will never forsake us. I know we have a wonderful opportunity to live here on earth to learn, to be tested, and to grow. What a marvelous thing. I believe as well that these trials are a chance “that the works of God may be manifest”. I share these things with you that you may know of His healing power even in our day. This story is very sacred to me and I share with you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, who lives. Amen.
Addendum A
I would have on occasion moments of what I call purging. I would be journaling, as I learned through therapy, praying or reading and my heart and mind would fill to utter capacity with such intense sad emotions and horrible memories. Emotions and memories I had been living with all my life. During these moments, my body would hurt and ache terribly. Sometimes my tears were just as much for the physical pain as the emotional pain. I would plead with Heavenly Father during these times, to help me, to take it from me. As I look back I realize in those moments and in others He was taking it from me. I know that He could not just remove it from me, there were things I needed to learn as I went through the healing process. That is how it has been since I left home. He has never left me, He has been healing me all along. In the moments I thought He was farthest away He was actually right there with me, urging me ever so quietly “you’re doing great, keep going, don’t give up”. He has intervened in His divine way, by placing wonderful people in my path; friends, associates and doctors. These people were an instrument in my moving forward through my ‘healing process’.
To you -
This record was originally recorded in October 2003, I have made appropriate changes to keep the story up to date. My hope is that my story will bring people closer to the Savior, and that others will seek for themselves their own healing.
As a very young child until about the age 9 I was the victim of sexual abuse from my uncle and then as an adolescent from my father, as well as verbal and physical abuse from my parents. I struggled through my years in school trying to understand my identity, my purpose and my role in my own life. When I graduated from high school, I moved to Utah only to continue my life in a very scarred and damaged state of mind. I knew there was a God, and I knew the scriptures were true (I believe our Heavenly Father blessed me with these gifts). I attempted to believe Him and what the scriptures said of His power. I was alone physically, but I also felt alone emotionally. I knew I needed help but I didn’t know where or how to begin. I imagine that many who were witness to my life at that point felt I was a lost cause, or one of those sad stories, but I know the Lord saw it different. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know a side of a healthy emotional life that thankfully many do know. I did pray. I lived the best way I knew how. When I met Ray I was more firm in my conviction to change. I broke off a long-time unhealthy relationship, and began to read my scriptures more regulary, returned to church and tried to figure out who I was. Though I was growing I was still weak. I know I was supposed to marry Ray. I knew this while we were dating, but due to dysfunctional habits I attempted to sabotage the relationship. I am thankful to a Heavenly Father who despite my attempt blessed us with the chance to marry. It was then that the Lord’s hand became even more visible to me in my life.
I have always believed I could be healed. I had been to counselor after counselor; I had been on almost every medication available for anxiety and depression (literally). I had been diagnosed with every disorder associated with abuse and then some. As I look back and consider all that as happened I remember a blessing I got just before I met Ray. I was reminded of the presence of the Lord in my life, His knowledge of my struggles and that He would heal me in due time. In my life there was a cycle where I would go to a psychologist and a few months later or sooner feel it appropriate to stop my sessions and turn to the Lord solely for my healing. This would last for a time, and then again something would occur in my life requiring medicine and professional counseling. This cycle reoccurred often in my life. I am thankful for the professionals who helped me; their knowledge passed to me was what the Lord was able to use as tools to help me grow. After Alora’s birth (my second child) life was the hardest. There were times I honestly didn’t think I would survive because the physical pain was as great as the emotional. Oh when I look back I see the Lord’s hand. I clung to a talk that Elder Richard G Scott (a member of the Quorom of Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) gave a few conferences back. (October Conference 2002) He said to those of us that have been abused that we could be healed completely, that we would not have to seek counseling for the rest of our days, that there was an end to it all through our Savior.
September 2003 Mom Griffin and I attended a women’s conference in Tennessee. With a heart full of gratitude for all my blessings and for such a great opportunity we returned home. That Tuesday Mom and I were discussing my future in consideration of my meds and therapy. She discussed with me her fear of me suddenly stopping my meds as I had frequently done before. I told her naively that I would not discontinue my meds this time around “until the Lord Himself told me I could”. That evening I sat to read my scriptures, before beginning however I read a letter Pat Vassilaros (a friend) wrote me. Note: this letter was written in May of 2003 from Germany, mailed but did not surface in PA until that August , it was forgotten about, then mailed to me in Ohio. I do not believe this letter was a coincidence. As I read the words she wrote by inspiration my heart was full. She shared a story about a tree there that people referred to as the ‘Jesus-oak’. She continues with – “I believe these people were healed not because of a special tree but because of their faith in Jesus Christ. I believe, so you will be healed-not because of your medicine or counseling necessarily-although they help-but because you have such great faith in the Savior. The more you focus on Him & His healing power the more you will heal all parts of your life. The Lord loves you so much- He has a mission for you here that only you can do. I know you will be healed. . . You are even now in the Lord’s hands and He will heal you in His perfect way and perfect time.” When I came to Ohio I was determined to heal. I have borne the burden placed on me by others long enough. In my heart the only way to do this was to submerge myself in His words. I read the scriptures, I read whatever else my hands found that contained words from Him through His leaders. I pled with Heavenly Father to lead me and to heal me, to help me know what I needed to do so that He could. As I prayed I never felt good about returning promptly to counseling. On one occasion after praying about love and my desire to understand it better, I was counseled by the spirit to read ‘Jesus the Christ’ (written by Elder James E Talmage) and that upon completion I would have the desired understanding and then some. Not only was that promised fulfilled even as I read, but by reading this book I have gained an understanding and an undeniable testimony that Jesus is the Christ and the He lives! On another occasion I was sitting outside in Dad Griffin’s hammock with my girls, it was a beautiful clear day, I heard the words “I brought you here to heal you my way” as if Heavenly Father were right beside me. My thoughts following were of realization of why Ray was still in PA working, why things were going the way they were and why I had not felt prompted to get counseling immediately. (please see addendum A) Pat did not realize the truth of her words; “even now you are in the Lord’s hands”. I was, even on that night. I bowed my head to pray after finishing her much-inspired letter. As I opened my heart to the Lord and shared with Him my aches, the spirit filled me as never before. I only have layman words to describe the experience. There was fullness in my heart, and a peace filled my body that words cannot describe, and my body felt lifted though I was kneeling on the floor. I heard the Savior’s voice say to me, ‘you are healed, you may continue in life, have babies and nurse them without struggle or medicine, you are free from it all, cease from taking your medication and go on.’ I sat in that most beautiful feeling and wept in thanksgiving and unworthiness. I questioned why the Lord would bless me in such a way. I did discontinue my meds as directed, and the following night received an answer to my question of my worthiness in our Heavenly Father’s eyes. I was sitting on the couch attempting to read “Jesus the Christ”. I was praying about my feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, and while still considering the miracle of the night before. (I had just gone a day with out any meds and it was as if I had never been on them) Who was I, why and how could I possibly be of any importance to Him? I believed in Them, but me, I was just Andraé. Again the spirit filled me. My heart was full and I was overcome by the Spirit, my mind was silenced for a moment and then I heard in my mind a voice say “you are My daughter”. I knew the voice was that of my Heavenly Father. I wish I could tell you what these words meant to me. I had been abused all of my life; my very identity was stolen from me. To hear that I am His daughter placed within my heart something that has completed me. I was not just this person existing, I was known and in that moment I realized I truly am a daughter of God. I have not been on my meds since that Tuesday, and there have been no withdrawals, no nightmares, no panic attacks, no depression; my mind and my heart were healed and cleansed from the awful affects of abuse. There was no fanfare, no magic just words. I am healed. I testify to you of our Savior’s healing power. Even today it is manifest. Miracles are performed quietly, yet it gives me an opportunity to sound “as a trumpet” of His majesty and power. I believe in the small everyday things like daily prayer, faith, scripture study etc., with out these we have no foundation. I know our Heavenly Father literally hears our prayers, He knows us by name, and will never forsake us. I know we have a wonderful opportunity to live here on earth to learn, to be tested, and to grow. What a marvelous thing. I believe as well that these trials are a chance “that the works of God may be manifest”. I share these things with you that you may know of His healing power even in our day. This story is very sacred to me and I share with you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, who lives. Amen.
Addendum A
I would have on occasion moments of what I call purging. I would be journaling, as I learned through therapy, praying or reading and my heart and mind would fill to utter capacity with such intense sad emotions and horrible memories. Emotions and memories I had been living with all my life. During these moments, my body would hurt and ache terribly. Sometimes my tears were just as much for the physical pain as the emotional pain. I would plead with Heavenly Father during these times, to help me, to take it from me. As I look back I realize in those moments and in others He was taking it from me. I know that He could not just remove it from me, there were things I needed to learn as I went through the healing process. That is how it has been since I left home. He has never left me, He has been healing me all along. In the moments I thought He was farthest away He was actually right there with me, urging me ever so quietly “you’re doing great, keep going, don’t give up”. He has intervened in His divine way, by placing wonderful people in my path; friends, associates and doctors. These people were an instrument in my moving forward through my ‘healing process’.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Happy Halloween
Yea!!! I love Halloween!! I am not so much into the dressing up at this point in my life...but I sure love getting the kids ready. Three of the four costumes were loaners thanks to great neighbors. There are A LOT of pictures, I wanted to post more :) Alexa was not a fan of the hat for her costume so she would take it off most of the time. In fact once everyone was dressed she wanted to have nothing to do with pics, the kids and I chased her around the yard trying to get a good pic...I think we finally managed one on the swing set. Baby Ray was Batman, Aspen was Belle, and Alora was a snow princess, Alexa was our 'fat' pumpkin. I am not sure why but the kids named her that once I put the costume on, I guess you don't really have skinny pumpkins though. On Thursday we did a trial run of the costumes and went and had ice cream together. We went to Steph and Craig's for trick or treating again this year. Rach and Michael were there with their kids. With most of the kids being older this year it just seemed to go faster. This morning the kids have been enjoying their spoils. I wish I could join them, but alas I must forgo it, I have lost 15lbs and I intend to lose more so I must be frugal in my 'food' choices. This has been another great Halloween in the Griffin book of life. Enjoy the pics!!
Alexa running from us...I just love this pic!
From the trial run :) Don't they look great?
The results of our family pumpkin carving
Chasing the 'fat' pumpkin
I love this picture...he was trying to dance-pose...if you would have been there you would have been cracking up with me
again off with the hat :)
if you will notice in the back ground baby Ray is doing something next to the house...well this morning when I came down to open the blinds in the school room I notice the casing that goes around the water spout was on the lawn...I couldn't think of how it got there...when I was loading pics this morning I notice what was happening in this picture...I love that kid!!
Monday, October 27, 2008
It isn't just in California
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1815820715?bctid=1822459319
Please watch the above link. I was living in Boston when this happened. Another family in our ward there joined with the Parker's and filed suit against the school. The following links are a couple of articles regarding the judges ruling. Please read them both. I remember reading an article right when it happened and realizing the last days are truly here. We can not wait to decided where we stand or how we feel or what we will do. Even if "we" win on Prop 8 the adversary will not stop there. The war has begun and we have to stand firm. There is no time for a casual commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ. "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear" (Doctrine and Covenants 38:30) There isn't enough money or food in the world to prepare us for the war that is raging. This is a spiritual war, and we have to be spiritually prepared. We will not fear because our faith will be firm in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Things will be hard I am sure. But I know that no matter what life throws at any of us, with our Savior by our side we can endure them all and come out the better for it. The adversary would have us so afraid that we stand motionless, fearing that even our best efforts are not enough agaisnt the noise of the world. Let us remember the Prophets of old, the pioneers, the beloved Prophet Joseph Smith and our Savior Jesus Christ. They stood firm and immovable in their faith and in their beliefs of what was sound truth. Let us stand with them now and forever more as we prepare for our Saviors return.
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=54420
http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2007/feb/07022604.html
Please watch the above link. I was living in Boston when this happened. Another family in our ward there joined with the Parker's and filed suit against the school. The following links are a couple of articles regarding the judges ruling. Please read them both. I remember reading an article right when it happened and realizing the last days are truly here. We can not wait to decided where we stand or how we feel or what we will do. Even if "we" win on Prop 8 the adversary will not stop there. The war has begun and we have to stand firm. There is no time for a casual commitment to the gospel of Jesus Christ. "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear" (Doctrine and Covenants 38:30) There isn't enough money or food in the world to prepare us for the war that is raging. This is a spiritual war, and we have to be spiritually prepared. We will not fear because our faith will be firm in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Things will be hard I am sure. But I know that no matter what life throws at any of us, with our Savior by our side we can endure them all and come out the better for it. The adversary would have us so afraid that we stand motionless, fearing that even our best efforts are not enough agaisnt the noise of the world. Let us remember the Prophets of old, the pioneers, the beloved Prophet Joseph Smith and our Savior Jesus Christ. They stood firm and immovable in their faith and in their beliefs of what was sound truth. Let us stand with them now and forever more as we prepare for our Saviors return.
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=54420
http://www.lifesitenews.com/ldn/2007/feb/07022604.html
Friday, October 24, 2008
Share a memory
I found this on a blog and I thought it was cute idea!
1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave a comment about you on my comments.
1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave a comment about you on my comments.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Its working!!! Its working!!!
I think we have done it!!! Well for now at least...he has been dry for two days!!! AND he woke up this morning with a dry pull-up and instead of freely using it, he made his mother proud and unprovoked used the toilet!! Hallelujah!!!
Probably the turning point came Monday when I broke down in tears and in a desperate tone telling him I knew he knew how to do it, and I needed him to just do it. It wasn't just him that day, it was just one of those mommy days where if you hear any more complaining, or have to bargain with another person to do their jobs, or feel like you have to go to battle with any else you will just burst into a puddle of tears. it was an emotional moment for us all :) ...it was probably more of an accumulation of days. But none the less I think the tears worked, because since then he has always made it to the bathroom. I am definitely counting my blessings!!!
Probably the turning point came Monday when I broke down in tears and in a desperate tone telling him I knew he knew how to do it, and I needed him to just do it. It wasn't just him that day, it was just one of those mommy days where if you hear any more complaining, or have to bargain with another person to do their jobs, or feel like you have to go to battle with any else you will just burst into a puddle of tears. it was an emotional moment for us all :) ...it was probably more of an accumulation of days. But none the less I think the tears worked, because since then he has always made it to the bathroom. I am definitely counting my blessings!!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
What a morning!!!
So today I am on the phone with my sister in law and I walk up to my kitchen I glance out the window over my sink and notice there are two boys hauling it out of my bishop's backyard. I hang up with her and I call Raym. I tell him what I saw, and that I think someone broke into the bishop's house, and would it be weird if I called to check on Lynette. He says no, so I call. I tell her I am sorry to bother her but I just saw two boys with hoodie's sprinting from her house and it may sound weird but was she robbed? She says that yes infact those boys just tried to break in. My heart jumped to my chest. I ask if she is ok. She says the cops are coming, well in fact they are there now. So I do what any good neighbor would do. I throw my kids in the van to go hunt down those punks. What would I do if I found them you ask? Beat them and then call the cops - in my ideal world at least! The idea that some self absorb punk kid would try to break into one my friend's home just gets my blood boiling. How cool are they? Breaking into someone's home to steal what they are too lazy to work for...whatever...break into my house lets see how far it gets ya! I drove all around Syracuse I couldn't find them. I have give props though to the Syracuse police, when I left my neighborhood to do my own search and squash, there were a gazillion cops around. It made me feel good to see that so many took it seriously. I saw one cop walking through the near by corn field. After a bit of driving around I came home. I called Lynette to make sure she was ok. She said the cop needed to talk to me to confirm which way the kids went and what they were wearing. She said she was doing good. For those of you curious how the attempted break in went I will share what she said. She said they started ringing the doorbell like 20 times in a row, as she was walking to answer it she just felt something was weird about it. Then they started pounding on the door and ringing the doorbell. So she didn't answer because it seemed so weird. Then the two boys went around the back patio door and attempted to open it, she peaked through the blinds and saw one of them looking for something heavy on the ground to throw through the door. She then opened the blinds and yelling asked them what they thought they were doing. She got a good look at their faces and then they ran off. That is when I see them running across the lawn and down the street. Had she not been home they would have broken in. Why her house? I don't know. As she said it is one of the more modest homes in neighborhood. After speaking with her I called the officer. He just wanted to confirm that I saw them running, what they were wearing and what direction they went. I thanked him for the great response that I saw with all the officers around. He said they had set up a perimeter but came up with nothing, and that they would check the local schools to see who had skipped class.
CRAZY!!! just CRAZY!!! my neighborhood is so calm. It truly has been just such peaceful place to live. I have felt for the most part really safe. I guess I still do :) I have a gun...and yes if you know me even an inkling you have to know I would use it...I have vowed to never be a result of some selfish souls bad day...you won't shoot me, hurt me, rob me, punish me or anyone near to me because you are having a bad day, can't control your passions or are mad about something that some therapy could probably take care of...
I am so grateful that those kids just ran away, and that nothing happened to Lynette. Stay close to the spirit, keep your doors locked and make it look like some one is home. She did say that with her blinds closed and with no visible signs of occupancy it could have made her home more of a target.
CRAZY!!! just CRAZY!!! my neighborhood is so calm. It truly has been just such peaceful place to live. I have felt for the most part really safe. I guess I still do :) I have a gun...and yes if you know me even an inkling you have to know I would use it...I have vowed to never be a result of some selfish souls bad day...you won't shoot me, hurt me, rob me, punish me or anyone near to me because you are having a bad day, can't control your passions or are mad about something that some therapy could probably take care of...
I am so grateful that those kids just ran away, and that nothing happened to Lynette. Stay close to the spirit, keep your doors locked and make it look like some one is home. She did say that with her blinds closed and with no visible signs of occupancy it could have made her home more of a target.
Monday, October 20, 2008
ANOTHER Potty Training Day
I am outta my league on this. He knows what to do...how to do it...and yet he isn't consistent. We may have a great morning, with an awful afternoon. Or just a bad day over all. My girls were not this hard. Is there joy in potty training? or is it more of an endurance thing where you just try to maintain hope? and if you are thinking you have suggestions I will truly will be surprised if I havne't tried it...thoughts are always appreciated...but right now probably what would be the best for me is if you just came and actually did it all for me :)
It snowed and some other stuff
So this first picture is from last week. On Thursday we had lots of family over to watch BYU get creamed...I forgot to take pictures but I am kinda glad I didn't because they would be very sad ones. On Friday Gramps and the kiddos made a movie so this is them sitting around watching it on the computer.
It snowed last Sunday...lots of snow...so Monday morning, first thing literally, the kids rushed out to play in it...
I am sad this picture is a little blurry...I think the kids look really cute...
I have noticed that since I have been taking so many pictures of still things to practice my photography I haven't been taking as many of the kids because well they are not that still :)
I am sure I will figure something out though...
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
A conversation with Alora
Mom: lora-dora (my nickname for her) you should be losing a tooth or some teeth here soon!
Alora: yeah! that is why I am eating so much!
Alora: yeah! that is why I am eating so much!
Monday, October 13, 2008
I have been thinking about my previous post these past couple of days. I do that. I think a lot about a lot of things. I wrote that I had nothing. But I do. I have lots. I have a home. I have a great marriage. I have terrific amazing wonderful beautiful children. I have my van that runs great. I have a great ward. I have fantabulous friends. I have a wonderful extended family. I live close to mountains. I have my testimony. I still have my table that I love :) (It hasn't sold yet.) I get to homeschool my kids. I have my camera.
All these things I knew in my heart when I posted on Saturday. What I could have said was...I have no money :) which feels sometimes like not having anything...but I have everything I need. It was a hard transition not being able to run to the store for this and that...and saving for those things that we really needed and all that comes from having a temporary financial depression.
One of the many things I have prayed for is to be able to find joy in this time of hardship, finding peace in not knowing and finding true happiness in life and not in things. The Lord has blessed me with that. That is what I meant by a happiness that I never imagined. As I look for things to be grateful for, as I pray for others and truly desire for the Lord's blessing upon them for their specific needs, and as I forget myself and serve when and where I can I am finding that happiness. Elder Nelson quoted in General Conference a week ago," President Thomas S. Monson has said: “To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man. Service to others is akin to duty—the fulfillment of which brings true joy.” ". I loved it, especially the part of surrending ego! I have been learning that these past few months and I look forward to learning more.
I know from whom I receive my peace. I know from whom my ideas or inspirations for how to move forward through this time come. I know from whom I receive from strength. My Savior, Jesus the Christ.
All these things I knew in my heart when I posted on Saturday. What I could have said was...I have no money :) which feels sometimes like not having anything...but I have everything I need. It was a hard transition not being able to run to the store for this and that...and saving for those things that we really needed and all that comes from having a temporary financial depression.
One of the many things I have prayed for is to be able to find joy in this time of hardship, finding peace in not knowing and finding true happiness in life and not in things. The Lord has blessed me with that. That is what I meant by a happiness that I never imagined. As I look for things to be grateful for, as I pray for others and truly desire for the Lord's blessing upon them for their specific needs, and as I forget myself and serve when and where I can I am finding that happiness. Elder Nelson quoted in General Conference a week ago," President Thomas S. Monson has said: “To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellow man. Service to others is akin to duty—the fulfillment of which brings true joy.” ". I loved it, especially the part of surrending ego! I have been learning that these past few months and I look forward to learning more.
I know from whom I receive my peace. I know from whom my ideas or inspirations for how to move forward through this time come. I know from whom I receive from strength. My Savior, Jesus the Christ.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
I just have to write tonight. We went to the BYU game tonight. It was so much fun. It was cold, and the game was good, it was football season at one of its best. I am happy right now. Happy in a way that I am not sure if I ever thought I would arrive at.
I have started losing weight. I remember after I had Alexa I wanted to do weight loss differently. I didn't want to count calories, I didn't want to be obsessed about my workouts. I wanted to enjoy my life and have my body just be the weight it was supposed to be at. Alexa hatched almost 16 months ago. The Lord promised in many blessings that I would lose the weight. As I prayed about it I always asked the Lord to help me patient with the process, b/c I wanted to get it right this time. I want to find that balance where I never have to "lose" weight again. I have posted before about getting to know myself. That has been such a key part in where I am now in losing this weight. A couple of months ago in a blessing the Lord mentioned that "all things were spiritual unto the Lord, including weight loss". I have prayed and pondered on that. I am not sure I could yet define what it means to me, but I can see how I needed to grow spiritually and emotionally to be where I am at now. During these past 16 months I have told the Lord, if counting calories was ultimately what I would need to do, I needed to be prepared and I would need strong confirmation. About two weeks ago as I was praying this very calm yet reassuring feeling came over me. I knew I needed to do the Weight Watchers program. I had the at home kit, so it would be easy to start. It has been a natural thing. I don't feel like I am wrestling myself, or babysitting my diet. The Lord has prepared me truly for this time. I have had powerful insights about the impact of environmental eating habits when I was growing up (eat because it is time eat, and eat everything on your plate), voids I have had or have and how I turn to food with out realizing it and more. This weight loss thing for me is so much more than just being thin again. I wanted to have a good relationship with myself and with food. I wanted balance, and I am finding that. As far as weight watchers goes, I think I will be doing it until I become more in tune with what is the right amount of food for me, and more in tune with my own hunger signals. The Lord has been on my side through all of this. He has truly blessed me with what were the deepest desires of my heart. It didn't happen over night, but what would I have learned if it did.
And if you are still wondering about that happiness thing. Losing weight is just the tip of the ice burg. Going back to what I have mentioned in an earlier post, if you were to know the very intimate details of my life you might say I would be justified in being forlorn. But I feel exactly the opposite. It may sound cliche...I have nothing, but I have everything. A testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ is truly enough to sustain you. Truly if we drink from the fountain of the gospel of our Savior we will want for nothing because we will be filled with the light of Christ. I am who I am, I have what I have and I will be what I will be because I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and Savior who gave everything so that I might have eternal life and so much more.
Proposition 8
I watched these ( http://www.preservingmarriage.org/ ) videos this morning. I wish I could vote. I wish I could do more. My husband's Aunt, who lives in California, mailed a phone list to Steph, and she gave me part of it. We call the number's to remind, encourage and inform about Prop 8. My Alora Leigh-Ann is singing 'I love to see the Temple' as I write this post. Listening to her sing stirs so much emotion in my heart. I know that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. I want a future for my children where that knowledge is preserved. Who ever you are, where ever you are please try and reach out to do something so that we may preserve the sanctity of marriage.
Friday, October 10, 2008
My patient subject
Photography has been a secret passion of mine. Recently I have decided to take it more seriously. My Dad, who is an amazing photographer (mscottphoto.com), is currently taking a course from the New York Institute of Photography and has been kind enough to share his instruction manuals with me. Thanks Dad! So I have been reading and I am loving it. There is so much depth to photography. There is so much that goes into taking the "right" picture. I am loving the learning. I am loving developing this hidden talent of mine :)
Alora one day was kind enough to sit and allow me to photograph her so that I might practice the things I am learning. I think she has such beautiful eyes, and I love how her hair drapes over the side of her face. You might just being seeing more of her in the future :)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
A New Do
So here it is...the new do! I took these photos for my sister about a week after so it isn't as red as it started out. I really like it...sometimes though my own reflection startles me because I am not used to it so much yet...Alexa just stared at me forever, even after I picked her up she still just stared...someone told me "it really makes your green eyes stand out"...my eyes are actually hazel...interesting what red hair does...
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I love Rainbows
Rainbows are one of my favorite things. On this particular day I almost crashed on the freeway trying to see all the rainbows...and I truly mean ALL the rainbows. Sometimes there were two...if you look closely in one of the pictures you can barely see one above the other. I truly get emotional when I see them. I have to pause, gather my kids and absorb the beauty.
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