I just have to write tonight. We went to the BYU game tonight. It was so much fun. It was cold, and the game was good, it was football season at one of its best. I am happy right now. Happy in a way that I am not sure if I ever thought I would arrive at.

I have started losing weight. I remember after I had Alexa I wanted to do weight loss differently. I didn't want to count calories, I didn't want to be obsessed about my workouts. I wanted to enjoy my life and have my body just be the weight it was supposed to be at. Alexa hatched almost 16 months ago. The Lord promised in many blessings that I would lose the weight. As I prayed about it I always asked the Lord to help me patient with the process, b/c I wanted to get it right this time. I want to find that balance where I never have to "lose" weight again. I have posted before about getting to know myself. That has been such a key part in where I am now in losing this weight. A couple of months ago in a blessing the Lord mentioned that "all things were spiritual unto the Lord, including weight loss". I have prayed and pondered on that. I am not sure I could yet define what it means to me, but I can see how I needed to grow spiritually and emotionally to be where I am at now. During these past 16 months I have told the Lord, if counting calories was ultimately what I would need to do, I needed to be prepared and I would need strong confirmation. About two weeks ago as I was praying this very calm yet reassuring feeling came over me. I knew I needed to do the Weight Watchers program. I had the at home kit, so it would be easy to start. It has been a natural thing. I don't feel like I am wrestling myself, or babysitting my diet. The Lord has prepared me truly for this time. I have had powerful insights about the impact of environmental eating habits when I was growing up (eat because it is time eat, and eat everything on your plate), voids I have had or have and how I turn to food with out realizing it and more. This weight loss thing for me is so much more than just being thin again. I wanted to have a good relationship with myself and with food. I wanted balance, and I am finding that. As far as weight watchers goes, I think I will be doing it until I become more in tune with what is the right amount of food for me, and more in tune with my own hunger signals. The Lord has been on my side through all of this. He has truly blessed me with what were the deepest desires of my heart. It didn't happen over night, but what would I have learned if it did.

And if you are still wondering about that happiness thing. Losing weight is just the tip of the ice burg. Going back to what I have mentioned in an earlier post, if you were to know the very intimate details of my life you might say I would be justified in being forlorn. But I feel exactly the opposite. It may sound cliche...I have nothing, but I have everything. A testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ is truly enough to sustain you. Truly if we drink from the fountain of the gospel of our Savior we will want for nothing because we will be filled with the light of Christ. I am who I am, I have what I have and I will be what I will be because I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and Savior who gave everything so that I might have eternal life and so much more.