What if

At some point in these past few weeks while Ray and I were discussing this possible job opportunity I mentioned to him the idea that what if we get the job, pray about it and then the Lord says no don't go? We talked about it a little but never visited the subject again. Last night while I was sitting in the temple one of the many things I was talking to my Heavenly Father about was the job situation. I love being in the temple when praying because I am not falling asleep, no one is calling my name, and I feel so close to the spirit. I was telling Heavenly Father that I am ready for a steady job, and that I felt unsettled in side. I sat for a moment not really thinking and I had the impression where do you want to live? uh what? me? really? I can have an opinion on the matter. Well then I don't know. Where do I want to live? I almost felt uncomfortable with the idea that I might be able to decide. On my way home from the temple I called a friend who lives out of state so that I might be able to visit with her uninterrupted for at least 20 minutes :) She lives in Arizona and was sharing her excitement about their proposition on marriage passing. We shared our feelings about the adversary declaring war truly and that things would get worse, but what a beautiful thing b/c it means we are also preparing for the return of our Savior. As of this morning I still had not decided. I received in email from my sister-in-law with a story from a woman in LA who was present at the temple during the protest. The woman mentioned people climbing on the temple gates. I am a fact based person and wanted to find out for my self if people were really on the gates so I will to latimes.com and searched for photos of that nights protest. Sure enough there in some 34 photos were only a few but enough for me. To see those angry, hostile, and thoughtless individuals hanging and sitting on the gates broke my heart. I tried not to cry but it hurt to bad really. How could they do that to the Lord’s temple I thought? Are they so desperate in justifying their actions to desecrate such holy grounds? I was not so much worried in that moment about whether or not they could have gotten in as I was worried about their desperateness, their anger and hostility. There truly is a spiritual war raging. I thought of my children. I thought of what it would mean for us living on the east coast. I thought to myself if truly I have an option, then I want to stay here. I want to raise my kids here in Utah where our numbers are definitely greater than any where else. I grew up in Texas. There were four Mormons at my church. I have lived on the east coast for a total of 8 years. I like the “mission field” as some would call it. There are lots of missionary opportunities. I homeschool so I don’t really have to worry about influences at school. But right now I like the idea of being here. I feel like my beliefs are everywhere I turn. I love that LDS chapels dot the landscape of the valley. I love that when I was working out at the gym that I could hear women talk about their callings and what they had been praying about. I love that the other day I heard an older man say to another older gentleman who he did not know, “you look like a stake president, are you a stake president, boy you sure look like it?” The other responded with a smile, “Well I am his first counselor.” How cute is that? I know some of y’all who read my blog are out on the east coast. There is so much out there. The museums are truly amazing. There is New York. Oh I love New York. The aquarium’s rock. The knowledge, there is just so much to learn from, I mean it is a very historic area. And beautiful, there is nothing quite like a New England fall. Is it bad if I want to stay? Is it putting my head in the sand if I want to raise my kids here? OH yeah! Family! Tons of family is here, and there is so much to do with family. If the Lord posed the question to you, ‘Where do you want to live?’ what would you say? Ray and I will continue to pray about it, but as of this moment we want to stay.