We have what is called an Apple TV. We can stream our music and photos from our iTunes. Every afternoon I play music for the kids and I to dance too. Today no one is dancing they are playing play-doh and I am sitting here listing to my fav songs and watching our photos scroll up the television. Lots of memories.

Today I 'found' a friend on facebook. Its a 'he' friend. I was remembering when I met him and where I was in my life and so many emotions and memories came back.

It was my senior year in high school. I just wanted the heck out of dodge. He was from Ohio and was in Longview doing construction. I believe he had just returned from his mission. I remember he took me on a date and when he brought me back the lights were all out and the front door was locked, as per my mom's usual behavior. We stood there for however long knocking and she answered in what my sister and I used to joke was her wet poodle look. I didn't think this poor guy would ever come around again after witnessing this. I am sure she said something mean and sarcastic and the evening was over.

The were two guys in that time of my life that impacted me forever. The first I met when I was a sophomore. He was from a neighboring town and was very much a cowboy. He and I dated off and on and were friends for years. He saw me, the real me. I felt comfortable being myself around him. When I lived in St George I often talked with him on the phone for hours. I don't remember anything we talked about really. I just remember being able to talk, to just let go.

The second one (the one I found on facebook today) and I dated a couple times I think that spring before graduation. I remember one time he came over when I was baby sitting these five kids. I remember thinking that that was the life I wanted. I wanted a good guy for forever and lots of kiddos.

I kept in touch in one way another with both these guys for years. I don't know if I made a mark on their life, but they did on mine. I don't even know if I could really put it into words. I wanted to be better than I was for them. I felt real when I was with them. I felt alive and cared about. I felt when they asked me a question, they really did want to hear the answer. I don't know that either of them realized what my life had really been like. I think they knew about some of the abuse, but I don't think they realized just how bad things really were. I didn't know how bad things really were. Somethings I didn't know about my own life until this year.

At that time in my life they had been the only constant. Inconstant constant. Though my life and their life would have changed between our communications, they never changed. They were strong and confident. I felt peaceful when I was around them or talked to them.

There is so much more I wish I could write about in regards to these two guys. Memories. Things I learned. I am grateful to them. They gave me something to hold on too. They inspired me in a very quiet way. I am so much of what I am today because of the motivation I often felt in talking with them. Something inside of me has always wanted to say to them "I did it". I became who I wanted to become.

The Lord took care of me during a time when I am sure so many thought me to plummeting out of control. I have said this so often before, but he blessed me with people along my way that would inspire and encourage me. I feel indebted to them for loving me and being my friend in a time when I wasn't so easy to love and when I was lost. These people... roommates, friends and friendboys blessed my life and were instruments in the hands of the Lord in helping me on my path to where I am today and will be in the future.

We are not merely bumping around here on earth happening upon our experiences by chance. We have a Heavenly Father who loves us and is intimately involved in our lives. He is our eternal cheer leader, and will forever be presenting opportunities for our growth whether through friends, neighbors, roommates, work aquaintances or whoever. We are here to ultimately help each other get back to our heavenly home where we will dwell with our Savior and Heavenly Father for eternity.