Merry Christmas!!!!

Merry Christmas Y'all!!!!!!!!!!!!

a picture just isn't a good picture if you don't have a camping trailer in the back :)

Thoughts on love

How do you love? How do you love others?

When I was growing up my Mom told people how awful I was as a teenager. I am not sure the exact things she told them but I know she said them, I would be approached with "your mom was saying...", and sometimes I was lucky enough to hear her say it in front of me. The adults that knew me especially in church saw me through her eyes and never stopped to ask or find out what was really going on. I wasn't an angel by any means but I was no heathen or true "rebellious" child. In fact I didn't really do anything that every other teenager didn't do in our little town, so actually I was probably 'normal'. But something about how my mother portrayed me to so many affected how they saw me and how they ultimately "loved" me. Or at least I felt that way because of the way they treated me and how they talked to me. Fast forward to my time in Utah. I became inactive shortly after moving to Salt Lake in 1997. I had been active in Texas. I do remember having the feeling I wasn't missed at church. I found security in other things, worldly things. I got off track, but I never stopped praying, no matter how far off track I got. But no one came looking for me. Not until I moved to Orem in 1998. I lived alone in an apartment on Main Street and 8th North. Not too long after moving there this lady came knockin' at my door. She introduced herself as Chris Marshall, the relief society president. My first thought..."I am not your charity project" " I will not be a number you can check of your list". I wasn't real nice to her. Save the single lady going down the devil's path, I thought. I almost became determined to not go back because for me it was not about you, I was going to come back when I was ready. She came every month, sometimes twice in one month. Just to say hi. Sometimes she would bring bread, or some kind of treat. I moved from that aparment in September 1999. I think I went to church once maybe twice when living there. When I moved a relationship I had been for two years ended. The moving and the break up opened up an opportunity to get back to church. I went back because I wanted to. I wanted to change. No one noticed I was new, but it didn't matter to me because I wasn't there for them. I met Ray at some point during this transition and the rest is history.

My point in telling you this is today I was thinking about the stories I have been hearing while I have been here, and the things I have seen with my own eyes. If you had met me on my road of life so far off course how would you have loved me? Would you visit me every month faithfully whether I was nice to you or not, and whether or not I did ever show up at church? Would I be your charity project? Would you know if I stopped coming to church? Would you let me go b/c there were more obvious feel good moments of service to be a part of? What if I smoked? drank? lived with someone and was not married? what if I had a tattoo? what if I was every thing you never wanted to be in manner of speach, dress, and actions? would you avoid me for fear that some how your association with me would taint your precious reputation? You...those who are reading this now...didn't know me then...you don't know if I might have been some, none, or all of these things I have proposed in these in questions...yet you love me. But would you have loved me the same way then? Would you have sought me out? Those of you who helped me in Boston during that year after baby Ray was born when I was in and out of hospitals. Would you have been that kind of friend if I wasn't going to church, or didn't meet your standards of worthiness?

I am who I am because of my Savior Jesus Christ. But he loved me through people. Through people like Chris Marshall and others. Those people loved me when I was probably the most unlovable, most irresponsible. They the loved the part of me that could be.

We live in a time a convenience. Life is relatively easy if you think of it. We have our nice pretty comfort zones. Comfort zones aren't all bad. But there is one I challenge you to come out of. There is some one out there that needs your unconditional Christ like love, and it probably is the person you would least expect that you would have anything ever to do with. Ask the Lord with real sincerity, with a real willingness to be led to that person who just needs your Christ like love. They may already be at church, they might belong to a different church and maybe not to one at all. Don't make it about baptism, or conversion, or even a project. Make it about love. Love them with all your heart the way the Lord would if he was standing in your place. I don't believe our actions have to be grand or even noticeable to the naked eye, they just have to be sincere. That is when a life is changed. When you listen because you want to care. When you hug because you want them to feel the warmth of a good hug. When you give because you really have no thought of reward. I know so many of you do this already, but I am asking you to do more. We have to. Once you feel like you are doing good, then you gotta reach a little higher. There are so many out there that need to feel the love of our Savior. He reaches them through us.

Some pics for ya!

http://mscottphoto.smugmug.com/gallery/6900403_Z7FET#441475235_L8Ky3

http://mscottphoto.smugmug.com/gallery/6900482_WQFQu#441478272_oWYPF


click the above links to see pictures of us ...

the first link shows pictures of the kids Sunday morning...and us walking at a park that I grew up walking with my family at...

the second is pictures of Aspen shooting for the first time...

the password is - Longview2008

Enjoy!!!

On the road

After 24 hours in a car and one night in a hotel, and with about 10 stops for the bathroom we finally arrived in Texas Friday evening at 8PM. The road trip was good. We left Utah going south right as a snow storm was coming north, so it took us 2 plus hours to even get to Spanish Fork Canyon. And then the canyon was pretty bad until past Moab. We got some pictures for ya when we get back. Saturday was another miraculous day for me. I literally was not sick...ok on a scale of 1 to 10 I was at about a 4 or a 5 all day and most of Sunday. But yesterday evening it caught back up to me. And I have been back to "normal" since. We went horseback riding on Saturday. Yep I got on. It felt so good to ride. All the kids rode and Raym. Today Ray took Aspen for her time shooting. I was supposed to go...SURPRISE...I felt too sick. I still feel pretty sick sitting here typing but sometimes you just gotta get up and do something :) He says they have lots of pictures which I am excited to see and they took video of almost all of it. He said she loved it...that's my girl! The food has been delish. Pancakes, eggs and bacon every morning. Roast, stew, brisket in the evenings....you gotta love southern food :) I believe the kids are hooked on Texas and loving it :)

Miraculous Monday

I knew you were all standing by your computers waiting to hear from me again :) Ok..ok so actually I wanted to tell you about my life recently. (dramatic pause) I am sick. The kind of sick that you only wish on no one. It gets worse everyday. This time last week was tough, but today was bad. But the Lord stepped in for me today. I have 'known' since last Friday that I was going to try to get a Dr's appt today to try to get some Zofran...oh how I love Zofran...I truly prayed all weekend that somehow it would work out that I would be able to get some. That I would get into a doctor that I would not have to beg, borrow or steal from to get it. A friend of mine who has five children told me about her doctor and how much she loved him. Our personalities are similar so I chose to go with him. I called this morning to make my appointment and told them it would be self pay because we currently do not have insurance and are STILL!!!!! in the process of getting medicaid (don't get me started on that one). So the nice lady told me the cost of the visit would be $250. I told her I couldn't pay that and pay for my Zofran ($20 a pill). She told me to stop by the accounting office before my appointment and talk to them about it. I called Sadie (the girl who recommended the doc) to see if she could watch my two youngest children. Thank you that she didn't watch one or two but all four, in addition to the three, plus two extra she had at home. Angel I tell ya. Ray meets me at the office (love that guy) we stop by accounting and share our story with the nicest woman truly I have ever met. She tells us to not worry about payment right now, that they will hold off until the end of January, which hopefully by then we will have all the medicaid stuff worked out (four months later...argh...ahahahah!). We visit with Dr. Farley (great name huh?). I am a high risk pregnancy...surprise! (a uterine rupture will do that you know) I tell him I want Zofran. He says OK. What? Seriously? Ok? Uh Ok then? He reminds me it will be expensive but he gives me a 30 day supply with 5 refills and he says if I run out let him know. AND if there is another I might need to try let him know. Now just so you know this guy isn't handing out drugs, but he was completely understanding to my particular situation with nausea and vomiting. AND he didn't question me. He knew that I knew my body. That after four babies he was pretty sure I wasn't making this up. Thank you. I wish I was making it up then I could make it go away :) We have the ultrasound and see our 1/4 inch size baby and his healthy heart-beat. The ultrasound and heart-beat thing always make me cry. Pregnancy is just such a miracle. And it always blows my mind that there really is a baby inside there. Oh...amazing :) We leave. Ray goes back to working and I stop at the pharmacy to spend money we don't have. I ask the lady who is helping me how much ten pills would be, that I can't fill the whole prescription b/c I don't have insurance and I can't afford it. She tells me she will calculate it for me. I wait.....hum..hum..dee-hum...she peeks around her computer and says well you could do all 30 for $30. Uh? What?!? Yeah if you wanted you could get the whole prescription for $30, she pauses as she is reading something, then turns and says 'yeah Zofran has a generic'....after they sweep my jaw off the floor and resuscitate me I give her the ok to fill it. Are you kidding me? 2 years ago there was no generic. I guess today there is. So I pay for meds. Promptly take one and go and retrieve my children. Miracles. I got a doc appointment with the doc I want to see on the day I want too, which happens to be a Monday. We don't have to pay. I get the meds I am desperately seeking for 1/5 the price I was imagining. AND there was someone to watch my whole brood so I could get this all done. The Lord took care of me today, as he does everyday.




Oh and one more thing....I can take Dramamine....if you get car sick on road trips you will appreciate this. We are going to be going a road trip of sorts...and I will soooooo need that Dramamine.

It has just been a great day!!!

Temple Square and more

We went to the Church History Museum and to see the lights at Temple Square last night. It was freezing but wonderful. The kids loved the museum. They saw John Taylor's watch that stopped the bullet and were literally speech less. Aspen said "so it really happened..." It was fun for me to see them realizing the reality of all the stories they have heard about the restoration of the church and the pioneers. The museum has an "I am a Child of God" exhibit which the kids said they loved the most. The lights were beautiful of course. Could one ever grow tired of seeing them? The kids have been talking this morning of the 'wonderful night' we had and how beautiful everything was. I love living in Utah :)

Could it be?

So you are aware of my 'success' if you will at losing weight. I have about 15-20 lbs more to go...and that isn't me being too ideal...really I need to lose that weight to be any where near the healthy range. Any whoo. I have been wanting another baby for quite some time now...honestly probably since last February. I could feel his spirit..yes his. On the day Ray lost his job I found out my sister in law was pregnant. Another friend got pregnant around then as well. And then another one and so on. Earlier this month I had resolved to wait. I was doing great on weight loss and I conceded that why not just lose the rest of it, then get pregnant. Hopefully after losing all the weight I would be even more self disciplined and be able to gain only a little weight with a pregnancy. So last Thursday after all the Thanksgiving eating and all I got sick...well diarrhea. I felt so bad for Rach who was here in my home with her 3 kids. I told her I was sorry if her kids got sick. Since that day I have diarrhea and vomitting everyday including today. Monday night I knew something was up. My period was due last week and hadn't showed up. Of course the one month I am looking for it instead of praying for it not to. So I told Ray my feelings. He shared with my all the reasons why it couldn't be possible. Which were actually all the reasons it would be possible. I cried that night in prayer. I told the Lord that if I was pregnant then I had to pass that test and if not then I needed to start my period. You see my track record with pg test is not the greatest. Usually I am about 6-7 weeks along before I test positive. But I did not have the emotional energy to wait that long this time. That night especially I felt drained of any desire to endure any drama. So at 6:30AM Tuesday morning Ray went to Wal-Mart to buy me a test...isn't he great :) he bought a three pack b/c of my track record :) I take the test, truly expecting a negative to show up.........................but it didn't.....and not only was it positve...I don't know that I have ever seen one of my pregnancy test be THAT positive. It is funny though....I never imagined I would be where I am today. Could it be? Could I really be pregnant? I truly had moved on in my mind...I wasn't expecting this until sometime next spring. And yet here we are. Bring it on though. I love having babies. I love being a mom. I know this is my last pregnancy, the Lord has told me that much. But I also know that this is not the end to us bringing kids into our home. But I will enjoy this pregnancy to its fullest. And absorb as much as I can from each moment, including the ones that envolve the white throne :)