Let's be honest. I am not your usual usual. I am not like anyone else. This summer has been let's say "interesting". Emotionally trying. I am not sure why the sudden out pouring of individuals who find it necessary to tell me why who I am is not okay.

Someone came to my house today to ask about how I felt about relief society. Here is why she wanted to know.

In June my husband was gone for two weeks for the military. I hurt my back. I couldn't walk, I could barely stand up, and even laying down was excruciating. I called and asked for advice from a neighbor. I did call my sister-in-law. One has five children and lives 45 minutes away and the other just had her fourth a month earlier and lives 1 and half hours away. I just wanted to let the one with the five kids know that I might be needing her help the next day. I then called someone else for more help. She came over. After massaging and doing heat and ice I determine I wanted to go to the ER because I was in so much pain. We went and of course it took a million hours. We got back to my house around 4AM with me doped up on Loritab. I am useless on pain killers. I was out cold once I got home. This person came back to get my children ready and off to church, which by the way I was not even conscience for. Around 11AM some individuals came back to give me a blessing and to "plan" what to do.

I was rebuked for not calling my visiting teacher's. You mean the one I don't know? or the other one I don't know? And rebuked for not having my children do more. What? "You could have your kids clean up this mess, parents these days don't make their kids responsible enough?" For starters the "mess" was blocks. And yes my house does look a bit lived in, I am pregnant and sick and I have 8 million children, okay 5 but sometimes it feels like more :) Oh and did I mentioned I hurt my back and couldn't walk? Excruciating pain? The rebuke went on but I didn't really listen too much because I felt like this person wasn't seeing me, they were seeing I don't know what, but they weren't seeing a woman in a vulnerable position who just needed help for a day or so.

The question was proposed "well what should be done about this?", meaning my situation. It was pronounced by an individual that I had exhausted all the resources of the relief society and its president so I was just going to need to find family to help me. Okay. The exhausted resource was that when I had my tonsils out the relief society help for two and half days about 6 hours each time take care of my children because I couldn't talk. By the last day I was much improved. My sister in laws who live on the other side of the earth could not come up...one had literally just had a baby. And mind you I don't have a mom, well the active loving kind who want to be a part of your life. And the other exhausted part was that someone from the relief society had come and helped me go to the hospital. At this point, I was like 'whatever'. I can do alone. I am a professional survivor.

As the last two individuals were preparing to leave one says to me, "Isn't it quite selfish of you.". What? "Isn't it quite selfish of you to have another child when you can't even take care of the ones you have?"

"uh well that isn't for you to decide, and just because my house is a bit cluttered doesn't mean I can't take care of my children, and besides if the Lord felt it was okay for me to have another baby, then I am okay with having another baby, and if he is okay with how things are going then I am okay with how things are going. And what an incredible opportunity for my children to witness service with me being sick and hurt while their father is away."