Wednesday, January 16, 2008

the prominent reason

I am not sure where to begin so I will just start at the beginning :) In August of 2005 I was diagnosed with ADHD. I had some complications with meds that I was taking and found out in May of 2006 that I was bi-polar and that I also suffered from OCD. Again I went through several months of complications with meds. During that time I received several amazing blessings from my husband. I was told that I had chosen this trial in the pre-earth life and the Lord laid out the reason why I had chosen it. Last Christmas I wanted to better understand how you have hope in our Savior when you feel hopeless about illness that you would have forever. I studied about the apostle Paul and his thorn in the flesh. I read what the general authorities both past and present had to say about it. I prayed about it and found my own peace knowing that the Lord would help me through it. That truly my only way to "succeed" was through Him. Life was so hard though. I was taking Zoloft to help me through the times when I dipped into a depression. I wasn't such a big fan of hypo-mania either though. My mind would rush so fast. I imagined that if someone could sit on my brain it would slow it down just enough for me to focus. The ADHD affected my ability to fall asleep at night. It was like someone was changing channels in my mind, actually that was all the time. This fall as you know we moved to Utah. I am not sure if you all know that I homeschool. All the things that I struggled with on a daily basis really came to a head. This past year as I would study my scriptures I would often be led to the verse in Ether where the Lord asks the brother of Jared what he would have him do to light the vessels. I felt as if the Lord were asking me that question about my own life. My response was always the same. I longed to be free from these mental disorders. All I have ever longed for was the opportunity to be a mother and a wife. To be able to serve my family and to raise them in a way that would be pleasing to the Lord. In the first week on November this past year I was in a depression, once again. I felt so discouraged. I prayed and talked with the Lord asking him how I was supposed to do those things that I have felt were right for my family if I am constantly falling apart. I knew that the Lord was the only one that could provide me the mental and spiritual peace I was seeking. On Nov 7 before my husband left for work I asked him to give me a blessing, in hopes that I would at least be able to make it through school with the kids. The Lord gave me so much more, I was told that there was another healing or another miracle for me if but just asked in faith. When I heard those words I wept. I knew what I wanted. All day that day I prayed. My children knelt with me. I read my scriptures. At one point while reading my scriptures I literally felt the presence of the Savior standing in my living room. I knelt in prayer and laid before the Lord exactly what I desired if it was his will. I was impressed to call Ray and have him come home and give me a blessing and that through that blessing I would be healed. Upon his arrival we knelt in prayer. I said the prayer and again presented the Lord with the deepest desires of my heart, expressing to him that I knew that he could take it all from me and why I desired it to be so. Ray laid his hands upon my head and pronounced a most beautiful blessing. My Savior, through my husband as his mouth piece pronounced a healing, completely. My heart burned as the spirit testified to me of the truthfulness of what was said. It has been two months since that day. I am not on any medications, I have not had any depression. No obessions. No nothing. I could actually lay out for you a list a little over a mile long of all the things I no longer suffer from. I wake up happy EVERY day. Several years ago a friend of my (mamaboo) mentioned while we were on the phone she needed to run so she could grab a quick nap. I asked her what a quick nap was, she responded oh 20-30 minutes. That always baffled me. I would take a nap all afternoon when I was depressed. Sounds silly but I wanted to be able to take a power nap like that. I rememer the first time I did after my healing. I was tired I laid down, I fell asleep and I woke up ON MY OWN about 20 something minutes later. I felt rested and ready to finish my day strong, and then I cried. I have suffered from depression for so long. I have wanted to be happy. Not just to be happy, but for my kids and for my husband. I don't have to turn off my phone anymore b/c "I just can't talk to anyone right now." I asked my sister-in-law just about a week ago what she noticed if anything that was different. She said I was predictable. I have always wanted to be boring and predictable. I literally have prayed for that for years, to have no more drama, and to be able to serve. I have been greatly blessed. I was so happy this year at Christmas b/c for the first time in forever I could be around tons of people have a crazy schedule and not have to lock myself in my room every couple of days to try to recover. I am still me. I talk a lot. I am very animated. I am still very passionate about life. My testimony has been strengthened. My faith has been increased. And I am so grateful to a Heavenly Father who loves me and to my Savior who has removed this thorn my flesh. I want to share with you my testimony that our Savior lives, that he heals today just as he did when he was here on this earth. He heals us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I know that faith truly can move mountains. Through the Lord ALL the things are possible.

6 comments:

Bonnie said...

Well, it sounds like someone "upstairs" must love you! I'm excited and hopeful and relieved for you. I just love how the Lord works. If you really did choose this thorn it must have been because you knew the kind of strength of testimony it would bring you in the long run. After all that's what really counts in the end right?! I love you-

Kami Su said...

Thanks for sharing your sweet experience and testimony it's a good example to us all. I love seeing more pictures of your house like on Christmas and stuff, it looks nice. I also loved the outside pictures you took, you should go into photography.

rebecca said...

andrae, I'm so glad you just commented on my blog and reminded me w/o saying to check up on the Griffins! :) I'm so happy for you and to hear that you are doing so well personally. You're a strong woman and so inspiring. Give your family our love!

Beckie said...

Wow. That is a prominent reason. I am so thrilled for you and grateful for the strength you have. You are a remarkable person for sure, and a wonderful example of many things to us all.

Anonymous said...

I really don't have a comment. My thoughts echo what has already been said. I'm so privileged to have a friend like you. You give me hope. Thank you.

Unknown said...

Andrae, for the brief time I have known you, you have always raised the level of my testimony through your faith. I could not be happier for you! May I share your blog with my celestial wife?