In my pursuit to overcome a childhood filled with abuse, neglect and dysfunction and find myself the Lord has blessed me to find so much more. All my life I just wanted answers. "Why" was the prominent question for so long. I wanted to know why did my mother not love me? Why did anything happen that happened? Why did I feel all the ways I did?

I remember leaving my home on June 26th 1995. I remember years of envisioning myself walking away from it all, of being free from the heavy dark emotions I was surrounded by everyday. I day dreamed of living a better life than I was then forced to face. I wanted out but I didn't really know how to do it.

These past 15 years have been eventful, hard, treacherous, lonely, and hellish at times, but the Lord has been by my side through it all. I am sure so many that met me along my path had an unfavorable opinion about me or maybe wouldn't believe who I am today, but what they and so many didn't know was that the Lord was my dearest friend. I made some crazy choices and often went against the grain of society, but the Lord was there all along. He knew where He was taking me and He was perfectly patient with all my choices knowing ultimately knowing where I would end up.

The past couple of years have been the culmination of all these years. The Lord has tested my faith and loyalty, and he has blessed me with answers to all my questions. I have felt over this past month the literal closing of a book on my life. I have made peace with my childhood. It was awful, but there are things I have learned that I would not otherwise understand. I can quite literally say it is finished. I am done. There is nothing left to answer or to work out. From here I just live. This blog has been my way of 'talking' out my life, but there is nothing left to talk out. I feel it necessary to 'end' this blog and begin a new one next year with a very different purpose. I look forward to the beginning of something new. I look forward to living.