It is a very weird feeling to be discussing with my children my husband's future absence next year. The Lord is giving us an opportunity to prepare over the next seven to eight months. Each month Ray will gone for a period time either two weeks or the whole month. When he left for a training a few days ago I cried for the first day or so. Not so much because I miss him, because oh I do, but because I can't imagine a whole year with him gone a million miles away.

And just to get this off my chest, to any weird crazies who may stumble upon my blog. Before you get any jazzy ideas about seeking out a woman alone with her children, please understand something. I shoot on sight, no questions asked, and the best part I shoot to kill. I have been a victim before and never again. So come if you must, but you will leave my house in body bag :)

Now that I have that taken care of.

The first night he was gone last week I lay in bed just bawling. I asked the Lord why? Why take my husband so much and then for so long. My heart filled with the spirit and I knew in my heart at that moment it wasn't about me, it was about Ray. This is for his future. I recognized too in that moment that though we are married, we each have our personal missions here on this earth. It is our obligation and opportunity to stand by one another during our personal and united endeavors. The Lord has a plan for my husband and our family. I have faith in that and I will trust in the Lord and let him lead our family.

Trusting the Lord is an interesting matter. I don't know how things are going to work out. I can't imagine a year with out the love of my life. At some point next year I will need to move, and we still don't know where we will be moving. And there aren't many windows of opportunity for moving with as much as he is coming and going and still working a civilian job. I will have a baby sometime at the first of the year, and he will be gone all but two weeks of the first three months of the baby's life. I don't feel scared though. I don't feel panicked or worried. When the Lord requires hard things of us he blesses us through our faith and obedience to be able to endure it. I don't think this will all be easy, but I have an opportunity to witness his hand daily in my life. Though there will be days that hard, he will compensate me 100 fold on other days. He always has. The Lord, my Savior has never failed me. He has been my one true constant in life. I know that I can count on him, and that is enough for me.

This time last week I was not ready for this adventure. I have determined that you can't ever be ready for something like this. I can however prepare everyday for the next day. I can let go and trust in the Lord, and trust that he has a plan and a purpose for my life and my family's life. I know he will stand by me and at times even carry me over this next year and a half.