A revelation

So I have been struggling with something these past few months. As I have prayed about it though I have realized that it has actually been a struggle for years. I googled overcoming overeating one day. I don't remember why, maybe because I felt like I overate. I read the first page of the first chapter on Amazon. It was totaly me. I bought it and now I am reading it. I love this book. For years I have been on this diet/binge cycle, as they refer to in this book. Long before I started having kids I had been struggling with gaining weight losing weight. I can lose weight. I have always gotten to where I wanted to be. But this time has been different. I haven't been able to be disciplined enough, or exercise two hours a day. And really deep down I have been feeling angry that I even needed to "diet". This book has been such a revelation. I just started reading it last night, 100 pages :) but just enough that today I feel free. No more diets, no more scales. No more exercising more to make up for my cheats. I am not going to try to lose weight anymore. I will still exercise b/c I love exercising. The book poses a wonderful question. What if I never lost or gained another pound? How would I live my life? I love that!!! I am who I am. I am going to definitely continue to try to eat healthy b/c I want to set a good example to my kids. But no more guilt no more obsession. I am recognizing there is no happiness in the perfect weight, nor is there happiness in controlling everything you put in your mouth or obsessing about how much I have worked out. I love the idea of embracing myself just as I am.