It is important to me that it is understood that I am not depressed. When I described feeling lonely earlier, it is my longing for a mother, for a family. I have been so blessed with an amazing husband who does love me. I have beautiful children who I get to love and who love me as their mother. I have been blessed with friends a long the way that loved me. I only wish I had been in a better "place" emotionally to allow myself to be loved. I so often wondered if at some moment their friendships and love would be gone, that I never stayed in the moment long enough to feel it. I believe that there is a great law of compensation. I know that though I missed out on years of being loved and feeling loved, and now that I am allowing my heart to be open and to feel love, the Lord can compensate. I don't know how he will do it, but I know that he will "send" wonderful people, maybe even those I already know, to fill that physical void. I love this journey I have been on. I love how the Lord has almost daily worked miracles in my life healing me from all that I went through as a child. I would never wish any of my life to have happened any other way. I know my Savior so intimately because of how I have had to rely on him. I know what I know because of all that I have endured. A trial less life is one with out reward. Through our trials we have an opportunity to grow and to witness the hand of the Lord. What a beautiful thing!!