More from the weekend...and I mean lots more :)

So there are LOTS of pics...I actually took 347 over the four or five day festivities...It really was a fun weekend...I can't wait to visit Tennessee this summer to see the other half of the fam...

Jake and Heidi

Amber-Pamber and Waynarifick

I love this little boy...

This is the 'porta-crib' at Grandma and Daddo's...I think it is like 50 years old...no kidding

Grandma and Alexa

Due to all the chaos Alora lost her head :)

Gracie being Gracie

If you click the picture you can see Aspen and Sunny climbing...Aspen would have gone all the way to the top...she is a natural climber like her dad

It has been 8 years since I have been to Bridal Veil Falls..still beautiful

Mermaids

You can see some green trying to come through...and the snow isn't quite melted...but I loved it anyway

My Ray's of sunshine

Cousins

Graduation fun

Picnic at Y Mount

Acting casual for the photo

more acting natural for photos

Ray, Heidi, Jake, Steph and Abby

Chloe and baby Ray

Alexa hanging out

Grandma and Abby with Alexa at Y Mount

Every body wants so gummy bears

Belle is free at last!!

Gracie was free for a moment..

Happy Graduation Jake and Heidi!!

Ray Sr...Ray III

Steph, Craig and fam

A group effort

Alexa is working on two teeth coming in. The affects of that on my life are such that I am grateful for a great washing machine and I have become amazing at removing clothing and the diaper without it getting on me. These "messes" usually cover most the body. How that is I do not know, but I could do with out it. And while I am on the subject of "messes", I want to pose the question, WHY!!!!! why when they are teeting does it have been so 'yucky'...I can handle a fever, but the sloppy nose and the oh so "sloppy" bum..really why? Now back to the story. On one of the blow-out occasions I tossed her in the sink to give her a quick bath. The kids loved this. They never want to help when she is in the bathtub, but there was something exciting about having a small human bathing in the kitchen sink. They proceeded to climb up and "help". I took pictures and video just b/c it was so funny and cute to me. Each knew more than the other as how to properly bath Alexa in the sink. Aspen wanted to use my dish scrubber on Alexa, her reasoning being that Alexa was in the sink and we use the scrubber on things in the sink :)

Playing ball

One fine Friday we went to Big 5 and bought some gloves and some balls and headed to the park. We had a picnic lunch and then headed to the field for some practice on how to throw and catch a ball. I remember playing catch with my dad and I loved it. Alora came to it quite naturally, which was exciting for Ray and I b/c she is our princess and we weren't sure if she would play any sports. She was really good though, she caught the ball more than she dropped it. Baby Ray would throw his glove with the ball in it, which was actually quite hilarious. I love the spring. I love being outside with my little family.

Just the kdis

Busy weekend

Ray's parents have been in town since last Tuesday. They came over Wednesday with Steph and her three youngest (girls) and hung out all day. Then Friday we went to Provo for graduation stuff. Jake and Heidi (Ray's brother and his wife), and Wayne (my sister's boyfriend), and my brother's wife Kristina, and lots of people from BYU and UVSC all graduated. We stayed in Lehi with Ray's grandparents Friday and Saturday we went up Provo canyon for some fun in the sun, with a chilly breeze. Then we went to a chili cook-off with the fam. Then we had church today. And then we went to West Jordan for more family fun, and now I am so incredibly exhausted. I can't wait to download the pictures though. I took lots of them. I realized though I really want to take a photography class. There is so much I don't know that I want to know. So stay tuned for more from this weekend...

Thoughts

I can't tell you how many times I think of something I want to post but then I don't for fear of what someone might think. Well that is the end of that. Guilt is something that has haunted me for so long. I am reaching a limit with it though. I am finding I like to be free of it. If you really know me, you know how much I think. I think about everything I do. Once Ray said to me "babe you breathe on purpose, the rest of us don't even notice we are breathing". I am passionate. I like being passionate. I like who I am. My weaknesses aren't my favorite, but they are mine. For years and years and years and well more years I suffered from guilt, feeling bad about who I was. Feeling guilty for my thoughts, what I did or didn't do, or wear, or eat, or say. My first healing freed me from a lot of that. But there was still some guilt. Since my being healed from my mood disorders in November I have been freed on another level. I have noticed as well that the more I pray for a reprieve from my guilt that everyday I feel more and more free. Something I learned from my years of therapy is that emotions just don't disappear, they have to be replaced. So what has replaced my guilt? Peace, honesty, respect for who I am, recognition of just what it means to be mortal. I have never been the greatest house keeper. I clean every week, you know, mop, vacuum, laundry, bathrooms, wipe finger prints of walls, etc. But the day to day stuff is a little trickier for me. But here is the kicker. As I have prayed for perspective and to be free from my daily guilt about my house I realized something. How I live is perfectly fine. I don't have to be a perfect housekeeper. I mean obviously living neat is important, cleaning up after yourself and yahdee yah. But if my bed isn't made, it just means my bed isn't made. There is no underlying revelation about who I am, it is just an unmade bed. If there are dishes in my sink, or toys scattered abroad in my home, or other evidences of children it truly means only that I live in my house. It does not make me or anyone for that matter less or more spiritual depending on how they keep their house. It just makes us different. I have felt the same way about my weight. It has been a huge struggle for me. I have prayed mightily to see me through the Lord's eyes. What is his purpose for me? How does he feel about my weight? What are righteous goals for weight loss? When I am close to the spirit my thoughts are clear. I am just fine. I want to be thinner and in due time I will be. But I don't have to berate myself over everything I eat. I don't have to feel guilty about how much I did or didn't work out. Sometimes it is hard, so very hard. But then I pray and I ask Heavenly Father to help me remember to have eternal perspective. I don't want to get to heaven and realize that I worried about all the wrong things. That in essence I wasted my time here. I think guilt is the adversary's way of helping us waste time. A therapist once told me, "effective not perfect". I think of those words often. We didn't come here to be PERFECT, we came here to be PERFECTED. I am who I am. I am not necessarily proud of my weaknesses, but I recognize them as opportunities. It is through improving those weaknesses that I can better know my Savior. I love the gospel. I love prayer. I love that every prayer that passes from our lips or our hearts is heard. I am who I am, because of my Heavenly Father. I don't mind not carrying around so much guilt. I am grateful for the strength the Lord gives me to stand up to myself when I feel it creeping back in. The adversary knows I will not drink, or do drugs or anything like that, but that doesn't mean he doesn't keep at it. He needs me to fail b/c I am a wife and a mother. Well bring it on. I am a wife and a mother. I love these people I serve and I will pray and prepare and build my walls of fortification that I might "conquer the fiery darts of the adversary". So guilt I will no longer allow you to haunt or impose upon me. I have nothing to be guilty of. I am a child of God.

One more day!!!

So Raym called this morning for our two minute chat...and he mentions how he was wrong about when he would be coming home...my heart sank...and then he says "I will actually be home Thursday afternoon"...YIPPEEEE!!! I was a very happy woman...I have been feeling better over the past couple of days as I have been able to pray and ponder and read my scriptures. I have come to some realizations about what direction I need to be heading and have felt peace about some concerns I have had. I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for where I am and where I am not. I am glad that the trials I have are the only ones I have. I am grateful to where the Lord has brought me spiritually and for all that I get to learn as life moves forward.

missing the love of my life

Ray is in Japan this week. He left Saturday morning and will be back Friday night. I have talked to him a total of five minutes in three days. I have suffered a personal dissappointment and I have really needed him. His cell phone doesn't work over there so I can't even email him regularly like I usually can. He does have internet in his hotel room, but they are only there to go to bed and to get up, b/c they are so busy. Sometimes I wished someone else knew the intimate details of my life so in times like these I could call them. I am grateful for prayer though. I have spent much of today in thoughtful prayer. And when I can, I grab my scriptures. And I am thankful he will return in just a few days. I just want to melt in his arms. I am glad I have him.

Happy Fourth of July

I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! After sweating it out all day that I would some how miss it...I finally...........got tickets....................to see............HANNAH MONTANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok so really it is for my girls..but all I have thought about all week is what their faces will look like when they see her "in person"...she will be at the Stadium of Fire in Provo on the fourth of July. We got some extra tickets to sell. The girls are VERY excited. When I told them, I first said "who is the coolest person next to Mommie?", and Aspen looked at me like "duh" and said "Hannah"...we are on a first name basis here :) and then I told them and we all jumped around singing her songs. So now we hurry up and wait.....

Some Questions Answered :)

I have been tagged by Kami Su!


What color are your socks right now? pink and white
What are you listening to right now? my kids playing with Alexa, Jim Brickman is on as well
What was the last thing you ate? Chicken and spaghetti with salad
Can you drive a stick shift? yes, I learned in St. George on a diesel truck.
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Kelly Green
Last person you spoke to on the phone? Ray's Mom, just checking on her mommy heart b/c one of her kids was TV today
Do you like the person who tagged you? Love her!
How old are you today? 31
Favorite drink? Water
What is your favorite sport to watch? soccer and football
Have you ever dyed your hair? tens years strong
Pets? 4 and we just added a 21 year old RM in our basement, thank goodness noone sheds :)
Favorite food? at home grilled chicken with mashed potatoes and salad...if I am going out...Smith and Wollensky's oscar style filet mignon
Last movie you watched? Transporter on Blue Ray (the only way to go) with my brother, he is catching up on his movie's
Favorite day of the year? I didn't used to have a favorite day...but as prideful as it may sound my birthday is my favorite day...I am grateful that I was born...I am grateful for me :)
What do you do to vent you anger? Pray,write in my journal, exercise, talk
What was your favorite toy as a child? dolls and Barbie's
What is your favorite fall or spring? Fall - I LOVE the colors and the smells and just the way it feels
Hugs or kisses? hugs are my fav...I love to hug...not just someone but everyone!!!
Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry
Living arrangements? Me, my hubby, our 4 little ones and my brother
Last time you cried? Today-it was a happy cry

I tag the four people who read my blog...wait one of the four tagged me so that makes 3 of ya...have fun :)