I am going to Bring It...with P90X that is. I am changing my workouts a bit. You have to you know. Your body very quickly adapts to whatever you are doing. So change IS good my friends. We will freeze our gym membership and Ray and I will be getting up in the morning to work out together for the next three months.

So the news you have been waiting for :) Yes we will be getting a car. We found a 1990 Suburban,with 325,000 miles on it. It is a beaut! Hehehe! Gotcha! Before I tell you how it is going to work let me tell you how these past few days have gone. I cried last Friday when I found out we couldn't get the loan. But me being me, amidst tears I picked up the phone and called my Dad. I asked him if he could co-sign. He wanted to think about it, which is totally understandable. Ray's parents told us that we could have their 1997 Monetero which has 270,000 miles on it. They live in Tennessee, so they would drive it out. I couldn't do it. Don't think me picky. But that car was not designed to ALWAYS house eight people. If I had two kids I would drive it in a heart beat. But I have 20. :) Two cars seat take up most the middle seat. My girls would have to open the back and climb over the seats to get in. Okay I sound prideful. Here it is. I know when the Lord is asking me to do the hard things. I can feel it inside. I avoid the feeling at first, whispering to the Lord to give me the strength to follow his will. I wasn't feeling that. I felt cornered though. That somehow I was being prideful because I was refusing the car. I got a bit heated at points in my refusal. My frustration though was that I felt like it was being forced on me. I didn't feel directed by the Lord to do it, so I wasn't going to do it. I must tell you though that I did feel discouraged. I felt so very confused. The Lord has promised has so many things in blessings. I had felt so peaceful when I turned in the rental van. I felt peaceful about the Yukon. I felt peaceful during my sadness when they took the Yukon. So why was nothing working out. My Dad told me he would be unable to help co-sign. My grandma said she couldn't either. Friday night I couldn't sleep. I just felt so sad. What was the Lord's will in all this? Were we just to live with out a car that fit all of us for a season? Around midnight I went down stairs. I like to talk to the picture of the Savior in my living room. I really did want to understand what he saw. But I needed to tell him too how sad I was. I told him I felt alone. I felt confused. I wondered about the blessings promised, about my peaceful feelings. Why would he not want us to have a car? What lessons did he think we needed to learn if that was his will? I told him I didn't think I could do it. I told him I was tired and wanted a break for a minute. I felt like my life has just been one thing after another, and I feared that my life would just be that way. That I would just always have to fight for everything all the time. I wanted to know how you had hope when you couldn't see the end. I have struggled with that before, but I needed more. I needed new light, new knowledge. I was released from calling as Sunday school teacher for the youth 14-15. I joined the adult class for the first time in 3 years. Our former Bishop, Brother Brown was teaching. He was our bishop up until December of last year. The lesson was on the law of Moses. He asked "how do we know when it is time to make a sacrafice?" I raised my hand and shared this: You have to ask God when and what sacrifices he wants you to make. We can not always wait for him to humble us or allows us trials. He wants to see our loyalty. If we want to be like the Savior who offered his own personal sacrifice then you have to do like wise. Offer. Go to the Lord and ask him what you need to give up for a season or permanently to be like him. I shared a personal experience where I went to the Lord and asked him what my wordly interests were, and how the Lord told me my Coach bags were. I knew the Lord wanted me to give them up. It was one of the hardest things for me. I had four bags (2 diaper, 2 handbags) that were only a year old or more. I LOVED those bags. I talked to the Lord about it. What was my wordly interests in the bags. He showed me and it hurt because he was right. I cared that other people noticed my bags. I cared that I had them. I had invested a lot of pride in those bags. I wanted people to look at bags and tell me how cute they were. I would feel good about myself when they did. I never realized I did that until the Lord showed me. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I couldn't believe that I had allowed myself those feelings. I knew I couldn't sell them because that would be profiting from them, so I asked the Lord who he wanted me to give them too. He told me. One of them was girl that worked in the salon where I got my hair done. I didn't even know her, but the Lord did. So I gave her one of the diaper bags. I gave the other ones out over the next couple months to whom I felt inspired. It was an incredible feeling. It felt good to give them away. It was like I was letting go of something. That experience was what sparked my "journey" leading up to the experiences I had when Ray was gone. It prepared me for more things the Lord would need me to give up. As I shared my thoughts the Spirit bore witness to my heart that it is giving up and going with out that we are better able to become more like our Savior. I knew that what ever the Lord's will would be in regards to our circumstance we would be okay. Brother Brown conitued with the lesson talking about how Moses had to keep his arms up for almost four years. And how he was supported. I thought about Moses. Moses obviously did not know when he would be able to put his arms down. What did he have faith in? What did he have hope in if he didn't know the outcome? The class was ended and we were on to the next block. I consider an answer that Brother Brown gave me when I was counseling with him about Ray and I's situation. I asked if I was just supposed to stop thinking about the money or the car, and his reply was 'yes'. And a light went off in my head. It isn't about things, it is about love. It isn't about wants, it is about gives. We don't pray to get, we pray to give. I have to change my prayers. I keep asking to get. I am not asking the Lord what can I give. My focus is too much on me. I have to get out of my own box. The Lord will bless me if I follow his commandments. So I don't have to keep asking for blessings on the job, or the car or for a clean house, etc. It isn't neccessarily wrong to ask. But how much more can I grow if I stop focusing on what I think I need or want. The Lord knows me personally. He knows my every need, even the ones I am unaware of. I need to know the Lord and his needs. What does he need from me? What opportunities for service am I missing out on because my prayers about me? I want to pray more for other people. I want to just pray better. I bore my testimony of my insights in Relief Society. I wanted to everyone to know that despite feeling down and alone and abandoned by Lord, if you really want to understand he will enlighten your mind and bring comfort and relief to your heart. My Relief Society president came to me afterwards and asked about our situation. She said as she listened to my testimony she remembered this car dealership that does this fresh start program for people who can't get loans. I looked it up when we got home, found it and we applied. They called today and got some more information. We were approved. The way it works is Toyota, the company itself, actually gives us the loan. We just have to buy a new or certified pre-owned car. We are going with the certified pre-owned :) We are looking at the Sequoia, and we go on Thursday to work it all out. Could there be a glitch or hang-up? I am realist so I always leave room for error. But they say we have been pre-approved. So hopefull Thursday I will have a car. I am grateful for what I have learned this weekend. Those emotions aren't my favorite thing to feel. But I know that the Lord was right beside me as I tried to understand things from his view. I can reflect and have no regrets on how I handled it. I was honest with myself and my Savior. I grew, which is what I always want to do. This morning I felt ready to take on this week with limit driving capabilities. I am grateful for the Lord in his mercy though that I won't have to for very long. And if this doesn't work out something will at some point and the Lord will continue to comfort me and to help me grow.