Ray's littlest sister is getting married this summer. I have a lot of interesting emotions associated with the upcoming nuptials. I met Jes when she was 9. She would turn ten 4 months later. My Aspen is 9. She will be ten in January. I am not ready. Not ready for what? For my children to grow up and leave. You may be thinking to yourself about how much time I have. Really? I met Jes a little over 10 years ago. She was in fourth grade. Now she is engaged to be married this summer. Time is not our friend :) Because these ten years just flew by with out even asking permission. The scariest part for me is the inevitable heart ache my children will incur in their adult life. Right now their heart aches are manageable. They are sad when they can't get a toy, or have to do their chores or school work. Life won't be so simple for them later on I know they will be okay. I think a trial if you will for me, will be learning to let go. I trust the Lord implicitly with my own life. I pray that I can let go and not interfere with his will in my own children's lives as they get older. I am a very protective mother. It is interesting to me that I have been asked once if I didn't think I was too controlling. Truly that just makes me chuckle. My mother was controlling. As I have mentioned before I did not eat, sleep, talk, or move with out my mother telling me whether I could or not. Often my mom would even tell me to stop being so happy. I say often but I mean excessively. Probably on an every other day if not everyday basis my mother would say "You need to calm down, you are too happy". I bit ironic huh? You could see how I mother one of two ways. I control what my children see on television, and how much they see. I control where they go. I control what music they listen to. Or one could say. I filter what my children see on television and in movies giving them options that will promote their spiritual/mental growth. I teach them about what music invites the spirit and provide them with such. I set certain social limits in regards to where they are allowed to go so as to set them up for success as children. My mother controlled me, she did not protect me. Outside of the continuing sexual abuse from my uncle, my mother allowed me into situations where my soul was compromised. The things I saw at the houses she allowed me to go to were spiritually annihilating. Even the things my mother watched on television were inappropriate for us as children. In my house I have set standards. They will always be there. Even now my children could rehearse to you what is or isn't permitted with in the walls of our home from manner of speech to dress and entertainment. I am well aware of the battles that lie ahead in the upcoming teenage years as my children will challenge those boundaries. I feel with the Lord by my side we can work those things out. At some point though my children will be out there in the world establishing their own boundaries. I see why the prophets in the Book of Mormon spent so much time praying for future generations. It is ultimately the Lord that will be in control at that time, not me. I believe Jes's upcoming wedding gives me yet another opportunity for growth. I know that though it will be ten years or so before I have a child leave my nest, that even now I can begin to pray for them. I can pray to know how to prepare them for their own trials. I can pray for peace in being able to let go and let the Lord lead their way. Every moment they spend with in the "walls" of my home I can be an instrument in the laying of their foundation. Every moment, every family home evening, every family prayer, everything that happens here shapes what they will do out there. I am not preparing my children for next week or next year. I am preparing them, shaping them for the rest of their lives. So lets get to it!