I am losing my mind with this pregnancy. Really. I am not just saying that. This pregnancy is different. I have never felt the way I do. Sometimes I feel like I am dieing. I can see how that might sound crazy, but it is the truth. I feel like the life is being sucked out of me. Usually when I am pregnant I LOVE television or movies. As a family it is all we usually do for the first three months or so. Not so much right now, quite the opposite really. I turn it off, that and music. WHAT!! Yes I turn music off. Okay something is definitely wrong. Music is my life. From dawn until dusk I have music on. Primary music, classical, hip-hop, Celine Dion, my mixes....something. I have something on. I am too tired though. Mentally, physically... I am too tired to listen to music. I cry too. I cry a bazillion times a day because of how I feel. I never cry pregnant, unless it is a cotton commercial or watching the stories of the people who run the Iron Man. I have this overwhelming feeling of wanting to "throw in the towel". I want to throw my hands up and say okay I am done. Ray seems to think that it is because he is gone. I have never been with out him in the beginning of a pregnancy. The end yes. Delivery yes. Beginning no. We are both hoping that once he is home and can assume all my responsibilities :) that I will feel better. I am looking forward to a blessing as well. Those always help clear my mind and give me perspective.