I am doing better emotionally. At first I was scared to be prego. I mean my baby is only 8 months old almost. And really I wanted to get in better shape before the next one. After a few days I embraced it. It was interesting because I felt relief and sadness. Now it is exceptance. Whatever the Lord gives me I want to find a way to move forward with it and become better by going through it. My body has taken quite the hit over this past month and I can feel it. I look forward to healing and getting back to the gym.

I have been pondering weaning Arwyn. I have lost an inch or more with my diet and work outs but no weight. The Lord has told me through blessings I just won't lose the weight until I am no longer nursing. I am ready to lose the weight. I am ready for the next step of my life. It is hard to define in words. These past two years have been amazing, hard, humbling, miraculous and filled with growth. I truly feel like we are at the beginning of the end. Which might not happen for another two years. But I feel the finish of this chapter approaching. I am ready to be done nursing. Is that bad? I don't think so. I prayed about it last night, outlining to the Lord my "plan" if you will for wanting to wean Arwyn. I asked if it was his will.

Last night at 12:30 Arwyn woke up. Finally I gave in and Ray brought her to me. (good man!) She did not want to nurse. She refused me over and over. Two hours later and an attempt to bottle feed her a bit she fell asleep. She woke up at 6AM. Still she refused, but did take a little more bottle. All day she has refused to nurse, but she will take a bottle from Ray and the girls. I am not sure how all this plays into my prayer, but truly it is as if while sleeping someone came to her and said "it is time to wean". I pump milk for her and will until she gets the hang of this. No she does not have a fever. She is not congested and is not pulling on her ears. Curious indeed. I shall keep you posted over the next couple of days.

I must let you know how grateful I am. I have had moments recently where I have wondered if the Lord still remembered me. This week he has shown me in his own quiet way that he does. I am grateful for his patience as I learn to be patient with his will. A friend shared this quote with me which has changed me completely I share it with you.

it is the fourth paragraph of this talk