Anxious

Have you ever been so anxious about something that your stomach was tight and you kinda held your breathe? Yesterday Ray had a REALLY great job interview. The job would take us down to Utah County which is where most of his family is and it would be a steady decent salary. I didn't realize how stressed I was about the Home Depot job until this interview went so well. This summer has been hard. Doable, but lots of learning. I don't like having to 'lean' on the church. I appreciate the help it has been. We would be homeless and starving on our way to live with Raym's parents probably if it wasn't for the help we have gotten. It is has been hard for me because my husband has been gone a lot like a man might be for a normal job only to make $200 in a week. Is it bad that I don't want this any more? I long to be able to go to the store and get what we need with out wondering or analyzing if we really need it or could we make something work in its place. I know how much I can live with out now. I definitely have come to a new level of appreciate for lots of things. But I feel guilty for feeling so desperate inside. I don't want to be poor. I don't want to stress anymore about how to pay for things when there is no money. On Sunday we are celebrating our nieces's birthday (two of them have the same birthday). I was asked to bring fruit salad. No biggy, except that my first thought was about the money. I want to make it. I love helping out with meals. But I have this fear that we will need that money. I want to find it in myself to have that perfect faith. Ray has been a great strength in helping me to remember the blessings we have been given that have promised that we would be taken care of. I know the Lord will, but sometimes I get caught up in the how. We are praying. Will you pray for us? Will you pray that I will be patient with whatever the Lord's will is? And will you, with me, ask the Lord to let us have this job?